A Babble Of Emotions...

Lucky or What?

2012-02-15T01:57:00.005+05:30

I've always been asked - "How do you manage to ride two horses? Ain't being a Professional Vocalist and an Entrepreneur two equally demanding professions? You must be so lucky"

I tweeted a couple of days ago about my newest Samsung Galaxy Note and lo! Within a minute, someone replied "Neenga romba kuduthu vechhavanga" (Translation: You must be a extra lucky)

Oh and I hear from people all the time, "You've dimples! How lucky are you?!"

Makes me wonder what "Luck" and "Lucky" really is all about...

I do understand that there are Millions of people out there don't live in a house, don't get to eat 3 meals or have any of the basic necessities of life that I'm abundantly blessed with.
I don't understand that disparity... It's unfair. What can a baby newly born into the family of someone dwelling in the slum possibly do? Until he has grown his feet enough to be able to be on his own.

Birth, we don't have a choice of. We don't pick families we want to be part of.

But what comes after that - Why attribute to "Fortune", "Luck"?

Everyone has Choice. And we make choices all the time. To be an addict to some stuff lying on the road is a Choice. To have the vigor to break away from poverty or whatever his/her status may currently be and work towards an awesome quality of life is also a Choice.
So many many people today are willing to sponsor Education of a deserving one. We ourselves sponsor education of our Maid's daughter's education. She asked us for it, in her own little pristine way.
Tomorrow, when she's successful - Ain't she going to be subject to the "Lucky" label?

Life really is all about Choices.

You choose what you want out of life and work your whole heart and soul into realizing this.

I've always believed and would swear by this:
When you want something very very very fondly and so intently, the Universe will make way for its happening.

You just got to make the Choices that take you in that direction.
You train your gut.

And Most of all, Pray and Work. "Luck" doesn't come in the way of Prayers and Honest Work!

Pray and Work. Work and Pray. Let the sunshine of love bless us all with positivity, direction and wisdom to make Choices that are most Ecological for us...

Oodle Doodle!:)

2012-01-14T01:20:00.005+05:30

Meet Randy and Jodha!

Dressed to hit the party!

Resurgence

2012-01-13T23:19:00.006+05:30

I blog today after almost two years. Thanks or No thanks to - @ajeyjustin

Phew. It's perhaps never happened that someone actually finds this excessively poorly SEO'd, hidden blog of mine - a secret almost - and literally figures my whole life out in two days!

And on twitter, this gentleman goes:
@MeghaAlsoHarini smell ur old book again....u ll know.u wer so stubborn tat u ll nt chnge ur blog..but u did,now ter is no harini..jus megha
@MeghaAlsoHarini singer megha...:P

And I'm here I am going - Phew! Has life really changed 'So Much'?

For one - I never believed I could write, ever. Writing was something that happened absolutely by accident. Rather, just a random, impulsive outbreak of emotions over some teenage laments. I used to write them in word docs and save them. And I think I almost parallelly started posting them online... Writing over an emotional overdose would actually flush out all the intensity and tone it down.. Like the transition from high tides to soft waves... Just living and moving on...
This weird blog world of anonymity and a thin envelope of care... I soon found this little space of mine being totally my own.. I was proud of it...

Felt like I could write all I want and get away with it.

I don't quite know what happened and what mooted me to stop blogging. It certainly was not a conscious decision... I guess I didn't find the need to lament as much...
And I found different other ways of expression - Facbeook, Twitter... More of the latter..

And here I am - realizing that this beautiful medium of expression that I have so fondly fostered, loved and owned needn't be abandoned for life. For no apparent reason...

Hence, Resurgence.

Lots has happened over 2 years now... Personal life, professional life... Several dreams of mine having come true... The Rahman dream, Setting up my own empire dream...

Life has but been beautiful :)

I don't think I want to fill this space with the two years that has gone by.... Rather, I shall fondle it with my thoughts, reviews, experiences starting today... for a long long way to come...

Thank you ababbleofemotions.blogspot.com for having waited for me for two years now... And thank you for welcoming me, with open arms... I won't ignore you nomore.. Really :)

And @ajeyjustin - I owe you. Thank you :)

Love,
Me

23rd birthday log!

2010-03-21T20:14:00.000+05:30

20threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's! That's how many years of earthly life I've completed...
I feel distinctly older and more responsible than I did last year...

My dearest of all friends Sruthi (shuti) had to be in hyderabad on my birthday... So this sweet thing and my other dear college buddies surprisingly turned up at my place at 6am on 16th! Sangee called me up and said she was on her way to meet someone and she met with an accident. She asked me to help her... So I ran downstairs only to see these beauties cheekily grinning at me and screaming surprise! :)
We (Shutu, Sang and Keeka) drove to the beach.... chitchatted.... cut cake.... and then went to Saravana Bhavan for breakfast! Pretty, aint it?!

I've been wanting to call my entire gang of singer friends home for dinner for a long time.... Logistically, 17th seemed to be a good day where all of them were available... Mum and I also had enough time to plan and execute an elaborate dinner party!
Ranjith, Rahul-chithra, Naveen-shiney, Haricharan, Devan, Thaman Sai, Ranina, Divya, Suchi, Mini.... There were allllllll at my place on 17th night.. My dearest Vivek was with us too! We had a kickass fun time....
Janani and Reetu couldn't make it. Likewise - Krish and Naresh...
Cut cake at midnight.... and after a while, everyone left to thier homes...
It was 2am when I slept after cleaning up, getting online and stuff....

Woke up at 5.30 and watched the sunrise at the beach with my friends.... Spent some happy time and got back....
Went shopping with ma.... Met my Augustine Sir and took his blessings.... Had lunch with some friends at noon...

Met my grandparents after that... chauffered them around a little.... Went to lifestyle to pick up a top for the party I was going to attend at night... Met Thiru, a sweet little man who picked up such pretty, thoughtful gifts... :)

Caught up with a friend quickly after that... and then went home to relax and get ready for the party...

Think Music and Satyam Cinemas threw a party at the Pod. All of tinsel town was there. Think music celebrated it's 50th movie.... Had fun dancing the night out with my music gang, again!!!

Birthday celebs continued - Lunch with V boy at Tuscana... kiss ass food.. and two tiramisu's back to back!! :)

Haaaaa. and I'm 23 now!!!

Here's wishing myself a happy 23 and cheers to the start of a new 24!

Thanks alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll you guys who called, text'd, facebook wall'd, facebook email'd me for all your wishes....

Cheers,
me

From those who took the road less traveled...

2010-03-14T23:53:00.005+05:30

I was asked to write an article for the "Alumni Speaks" column for my college - Madras School of Social Work...

The article is from "Those who took the road less traveled"...

I was asked to write about how, why I chose to take up music after HR and how HR has helped me in what I do today.... I was asked to write 150 words but ended up writing thrice as much! I don't have the heart to discard this version... and I knew my blog would fondly host it for me!

So here it goes...

From the pragmatic standpoint, I’ve always picturized myself in the corporate world steadily growing and transforming businesses and being that real woman of substance. The corporate experience I gathered from the internships at the undergraduate level in the field of HR intrigued me enough to want to delve deeper into the subject and get really wow at it!

Going by that focus, I decided to study HR. I was fortunate to have had the opportunity of studying HR in one of the finest institutions in Chennai today.

At this juncture I would like to make a confession. As much as I saw myself being an HR professional, I wouldn’t deny admitting how I’ve fantasized endlessly and seen mental videos of me singing in studios like those professional singers. Music has been always been a part of me and I have been pursuing my vocal lessons since childhood.

I stumbled upon some small opportunities to sing professionally. Thanks to the HR background that definitely gave me an edge over others from the networking perspective. Bigger opportunities came my way and I started to believe in myself more and eventually it felt like this is what I was meant to do. At the end of the two years of MHRM, I had to take that tough call – Music or HR?

My undaunted drive and passion for music along with an analysis of my log of recordings over the last year gave me renewed enthusiasm and I decided to take that big plunge. I listened to my heart and things did fall in place. I have been into music “full time” now for a year and I can’t be happier!

The two years I have spent at Madras School of Social Work has been extremely enriching. I learnt the art of people management, multi-tasking and most importantly – the art of networking. I work flexi-time in the e-learning space with an organization called NuVeda Learning Pvt Ltd. This priceless opportunity came my way through the interactions I had with them during one of our ‘HR Symphony’ symposiums which NuVeda had sponsored. I have been working with them as a consultant through my college days until now and will complete two years of service with them, shortly.

Music and NuVeda are both extremely integral parts of my life. There’s a wonderful balance of art work and brain work and this works perfectly for me. I believe in miracles. You just have to go with the flow and let them happen to you!

A new beginning...

2010-03-06T15:05:00.003+05:30

Made up my mind.
My blog is all mine. I'm not moving it into a different address or anything.
My blog will reflect my mind, emotions, experiences, opinions, random thoughts and actions.... Definitely in greater frequency...

Love you, blog...

Cheers to a new beginning! :)

2010-03-06T14:51:00.003+05:30

I don't know what has kept me away from my blog for so long....

Have I lost it for writing or what? I don't even have an answer...

The last post on my blog disturbed me all over again...

I'm thinking.... Should I like start a new blog or something?

"Mind your Business"

2009-08-28T16:17:00.001+05:30

Wonder why I let all those happy moments pass… Not an inkling of memory of those pretty moments did I log… and now again, my blog bears a horrendously depressing post…

Let me begin on some note of positivity.. I sang in Aadhavan… Yeah, Surya-Nayanthara starrer… Harris Jeyraj music.. My first big break…. Feels good. My parents smiled with their eyes for the first time…..

Those same eyes turned horror stricken y’day…. It’s one of those days you don’t have any control over your emotions… Long tiring stressful annoying week that has past and you’re in the threshold of insanity…

Got back home… Irritation and anger ignited when on the first glimpse I saw some things in my room moved around… Now that can be the biggest stress giving thing for me. I hate it when people mess/clean my room or move any object by even an inch when I’m not around. It disturbs me oh so much….
I screamed at mum for doing that and demanded the room to myself for a bit… I love savoring my space by myself in my room when I just enter home from anywhere…. Mum and I clearly had a misunderstanding and we were barking at each other…

Dad who was sitting comfortably in the living room stormed out of there all disturbed and demanded with all his might to know what went wrong…. The irritated, fuming freak that I already was.. dint think a split second and screamed back… Couple of phrases I never thought I’d ever have the guts to use on dad…..
Was there like a fiend controlling my tongue? I’ve no no no clue….

I feel like chopping off my tongue for being such a bitch…. I want to beg for forgiveness….

I fear there ain’t no room for forgiveness this time around…

What do I title this one?

2009-07-11T13:08:00.001+05:30

It’s been three years and counting…. since I stepped into the world of professional music. I didn’t ever think I’d even get where I am… I didn’t think I’d swap corporate career for a stint in music…

I am partly happy. But I’m having real difficulty dealing with the “uncertainty” element that’s so much a part of the life I’ve made for myself for now. Owing to this, I’ve been going through so many ups and downs… When I’m trouble, I’m completely troubled, else I just let lose and have a ball.

Will I make it? I don’t know…. This fear kills me sometimes…

I don’t feel like completing this post.

22nd birthday log...

2009-03-19T00:57:00.012+05:30

Somehow, this number 22 hasn’t been making me smile over the last few days…. Been hitting constant lows and suddenly 22 feels like 92…! And yes, the agony aunt’s and uncle’s have heard enough of this depression over the last couple of weeks!

But... BLESSED. That’s how I feel now.

Here’s my birthday log:

11.40pm 17th march onwards, calls started coming in! And slowly I began smiling.. Lakshmi, Rohan, Shooti called in, following the midnight wish tradition… And then V boy calls and asks me to come down to my gate!!!! Momsie smiled and let me go…. I went down the flight of stairs as fast as I could with those bird feet and flew into V’s car… “Happy birthday lil baby”, he said and unloaded a kutty dabba on my palms. I opened it all excited to find a freakin fone!!!!! A new freakin fone! My head almost started spinning as I looked at that lil sophisticated, sleek piece of joy! We drove and drove down mount road and then took U turn and drove and drove back home… Daintily switched sims into new fones… took off pictures… played pranks with birthday callers… had a cheeky + senti + super pretty awesome awesome time…

Got back home… took many many more happy birdday calls… and crashed!

Up at 6, woken up by shooti wooti who claimed to be sleeping cos’ she had sprains! I shook myself up and jumped outta the bed… Daddy boy wished me many happy returns… I drank my green tea and was setting to the gym… And Sanju sanju sanju called from London!!! I wish he was just a jump away and not many oceans apart… Nevertheless, we spoke pretty many happy words and then my bike took me to my gym… As I was entering, I see two very familiar faces standing right there… One with a sprained ankle, another with a cheeky grin and mallu eyes! Bikey automatically slowed down, trying to digest the fact that Shooti and Swathi are at MY gym at SEVEN am!! Heck, it was a birthday surprise!!!!! Hugs, birthday song, cake cutting session followed… They thoroughly publicized to my gym-mates too, that it was my birthday! Pooh. I was SURPRISED, in the real sense. Thanks you freaks! I carried home a whole bag of goodies - uper smart red sleeveless kurta, ethnic and bright Indian mat with zari, handicrafts…! I had bequeathed pre-birthday gifts as well, from Sangee – chambor eye shadows, super special wet wipes (I’m going to detail this further)…

I get back home and I find Divsoo and V boy accidentally present themselves to me! and soon, my singer jinger friends were all at the door! Rita, Jan, Ranina, Rahul and Naveeeena! I cut an absolutely grand choc truffle cake and fed mommy, daddy and all of them! They wouldn’t let go of my pretty face, would they? :P They made me look like a drishti bommai with cake smudged allllllll over!!!!! We had kuty breakfast and took many many many pictures…

Divu gave me a mirror… something I’ve been craving for ever since I moved into this house, cos’ my room doesn’t have a mirror!!!! Pooh. An awfully beautiful made to order mirror with antique wood tanjore frame. Do you have any idea, how awesome it looks????

After all the hugs and kisses, she rolls out another huge parcel… this one was a freakin AWESOME blue blanket! There’s a whole history to this one! I bet noneeeeeeeeee of you have a blanket as cozy as this one….. I used one at a friends place like a year ago, and ever since I’ve wanted to get something as cuddly as that. And bang! She gets me a replica of what I craved for, a year ago!!!!!

And then ONCE AGAIN she brings an item wrapped beautifully in green. This one was 3 foot long gift and I was so puzzled. I ripped the gift wrappers open and boy! There lie the most brilliant piece of hand made picture art!!!!! 2 year old memories captured to the T. Aaaah. I cannot describe it. Feel free to find it on my wall, when you come home next!

Pooh… I don’t know. I’d quite lost it, at the end of it…. We soon put it away and mommy, divsoo and I went a lil shopping after tat… got back home, had lunch… Div and I set out to coll… We reached early! Half an hour early!!! It’s one of those extreeeeeeemly rare scenarios where we’ve kept time! :P Amsoo bumsoo who claimed she won’t come to coll walked in with another super pretty cake and the whole class sang “happy birthday to you”! O man… I was choking on niceness. Really…

We aimlessly chatted for a while… Div and I then decided to watch a movie. As we were walking towards my bike, I see a whole bunch of red roses there! It’s these same college items – Riki, Amu, Aisha, Needy beedy, Bina, Min who are responsible for that! Thanks you silly billies!! :) :) :)

Went to Satyam and watched Yaavarum Nalam… Ironical that we watched a thriller, that I’d like to call a horrrrrrrrrror movie on my birthday! Aaaaaaaaaaoooooooooo! I was thoroughly freaked out. But hey! Nice movie, that! We went to blur… laughed at those machines and freaks who were freakin out on them! Ordered pasta, salad and ate tummy full! And then we were on our way back to our respective homes…..

I spent time with folks for a bit before I could adorn myself for dinner like Lakshmi had instructed me to! V and Lakshu drove home to pick me up for dinner! We went to Taj on Mount Road and had super pretty dinner…. I described alllllllll of the above to Lakshmi…and we spoke and spoke and spoke….

Got back home… these two would still not let me go empty handed… they got me birthday cards with words that only I could almost hear them speak…

Ah.. my birthday got over… I walked those flights of stairs up… this time a lot slower than before…. Recollecting precious precious precious moments of today… And here I am, writing about my day…

Thanks Giving
Divsoo, Shootu, Viveko – you’re my diamonds. You’ll very very very precious to me. thank you for slaughtering me with all your love… I can’t be more touched…
Lakshu – thanks for giving me an amazing evening… allow me to treat you to a foot massage, soon… :) thanks for the perfume and the card – i LOVE them…
All my singer friends, college friends – thanks oh so much for making my day so so special… thanks for coming… Thanks for the really pretty stole, Jan… :)
To EVERYONE who called, messaged, emailed to wish me – THANKS A MILLION….

Again, to all – Thanks for making me feel like a blessing.

Overwhelmed and exasperated with all the love,
It’s me Harini-aka-Megha saying thanks again…

Peace

Mercy, O Sweet Pear...

2009-03-06T22:33:00.005+05:30

Ironically, my mom just cut me a pear and I’m sitting by the PC, popping the tiny pear pieces one after another, into my mouth… and with every new bite, he pops into head…

He loves pears... More than apples and other fruits that God made.
I’m sing out aloud… This song called ‘Untitled’ by Simple Plan…

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
Wondering why my state of mind and peace haven't been in synchrony quite a while, now…

I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
Crying miserably… Wondering what went wrong… Why… How?

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
A 3 year old relationship straining for the first time… Maybe much lesser than I think… Nevertheless, I can’t stand the pain…

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I just haven’t made a mistake, although the pear man probably thinks I’ve made one…

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
Futile attempts to reach out to the pear lover… Futile, still.

I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
Hoping that call would come… Still hanging…

I wanna start this over again
Will you let that happen, O sweet pear?

Caught in a Quagmire

2009-02-11T09:05:00.007+05:30

I never thought there’d be days when I wake up at 5am and wail ecstatically…

Ever since my passion turned into something more serious of the sort, my parents have been shitting bricks. More specifically, my father, my love…

I’ve read about a million people who really really wanted to do something in their lives but are elsewhere now, probably picking up calls in a call centre… Probably sporting the smartest tie and bowing their heads down everyday in front their manager at work. In a strange way, I get reminded of the movie Rock On…. I fear I’ll turn into the grumpy, annoying Farhan Akhtar that toiled morning to night, traveled in the best of cars, lived in the best of houses…. But life for his wife was pretty much hell, cos’ he was lying to himself… The corporate serious life he’d psyched himself to believe was meant to be, was indeed not….

Everyone has problems in life… Large or small, but they do exist. I’m happy. Very very happy with the way I deal with my life with all it’s highs and lows…. But right now, I’m torn. Utterly torn…. Torn by my passion being molested in dignified ways….

Playback singing should have remained a dream for me. I wonder why it even crystallized into reality, opening up new doors in my thoughts…. I should have realized long ago that no matter how much I put my heart and soul into it, people who matter most to me don’t value it, one teeny bit….

Generation gap is one predicament most parents and siblings suffer, alike. It presents itself in greater proportions for me…. Can I do anything at all, to bridge the gap, at least a little?

I’ve absolutely no heart to kill the dream I’ve fostered since childhood… Especially with opportunities are coming in sizeable proportions over the last few months, I’m only driven more passionately to better myself at this art, challenge myself each time and make my heart soar with delight….

I give all due respect to my father’s ideologies. They are not nonsensical, but they’re only too conventional for me to digest and internalize. He loathes every bit of the film industry and any human being who has anything to do with the industry. He believes that life for us is “meant to be” one that encompasses a regular full time corporate job that pays you a “fixed, reliable” salary, month after month. Society will not respect a fluctuating job, more specifically a job in the film industry….

He hangs his head down in shame almost when people ask him about my music. He hates mentioning anything at all. For him, the film industry is taboo and he’s doing everything in his might, to keep his daughter miles away from it…. And how? By fervently talking me out of it every day….

I happen to be going for a show to Coimbatore this Sunday… My first outstation show. How I’d love a situation where I could happily seek blessings of both my parents before I set out…. Here I have mom in one side, who’d kill to see her daughter grow in what she wants to do most… and there’s dad on the other side who’s utterly flabbergasted on the mention of the show… 5.30am and the passionate “please don’t get into all this, I beg of you” speech starts….. and I finally leave to the gym with my heart all heavy…. Torn by his concern on one end, my passion on the other….

Crying all the way to the gym… Running frantically on the treadmill, fighting my tears inside…. Unable to fight any longer, I rush home to blog desperately…

Unfortunately, we have a family friend who’s extremely well known in the Carnatic field. She’s one of the top notch artists who’s received national recognition as well. No prizes to you even if you have managed to guess right. Well, her name was torn to bits by the media on her alleged affair with a famed actor. Besides, family life of someone so big can’t be a bed of roses. Thrown apart by these realities, my dad insists adamantly that I don’t pave my way to fame and dig my own gave.

Further, his concerns are about my future – my married life. Will anyone marry me? Will that someone want to see me pursue a career in music and deal with all the glamor and uncertainty that comes its way? No, he believes. Every man wants his wife to be conventional and lead a normal life with no public scrutiny…

A good friend once told me, failures and flops are far more publicized and scrutinized by the society, media than by your success. And it’s true…

Here I am, caught in a quagmire… My parents mean the world to me… What must I do? Kill my passion and fulfill my parent’s desires or hurt my parents and chase my dreams? I can’t have the cake and eat it.

O Lord… I’m at your mercy…. Please show me the way…..

Fetish o fetish

2009-02-09T22:26:00.004+05:30

I went to Lifestyle today...

I gaped and gaped and gaped at a tray..... Utterly awestruck by its beauty... It wasn't only beautiful, it was HOT! I mean.. really! HOT!!!!!
I couldn't resist it any longer.... I quickly shoved it into my shopping bag.... I can leave behind clothes, shoes, everything... but NOT this tray!

Similar things happened a few years ago.... I picked up one pair of footwear after gazing fixedly... I wish I still had it... *Sigh*

For ages now, I've had an eye on an aunt's saree..... Chiffon... Unimaginably hot saree.... So class... so freakin perfect. I mean... what a sareeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Nevermind. I can't have everything... For now, I have my tray. and I'm happy!!!

By now, you've most certainly concluded I'm insane!!! :)

But believe me... I'm addicted. To leopard print. Golden sheen... Black rosette shaped dots.... Wowwwwwwww... I mean wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I see the tray right next to me... Glistening.... Golden sheen.. Black spots....

Love you, my leopard tray!

PS - I'm sure there's some deep deep connection... Leopards and me... I might jus've been one previous birth.... Aaaaaaaaaaaah. They're jus beautiful! :)

Will I make it?

2009-02-07T23:50:00.003+05:30

I really hope patience and hard work pays...

**prayers**
**fingers crossed**

**biting nails**

Atoms dancing in front of my eyes.... Will I make it?
I don't know...

I really hope patience and hard work pays...

Crack in the wall

2009-01-26T23:55:00.003+05:30

It’s strange how people whom you place on a mountain top suddenly throw you off the cliff. The two people fondly nurture a relationship with love, time and care…. It grows up to be a beautiful one, all strong, healthy and happy….

Little would you expect an Arnold Schwarzenegger like strong building to crumble to bits. Wonder where the cracks came from, in the first place…

Any idea?

My guesses:
** Take the other person for granted
** Cease to appreciate (not verbally) importance/niceness of the other person
** Expectations mismatch
** Insensitiveness owing to no particular reason
** Change in priorities/people

Got some band aid, anyone? One that will crease out the crack entirely...

Divinity personified

2009-01-20T00:59:00.004+05:30

Few people emanate energy than can melt your thickest bone down to powder in split seconds… We place spiritual leaders and living Gods’ on a different pedestal all together, for there’s something extremely positive and an out-of-the-ordinary feeling that you experience, when you are in their midst…

I’ve been blessed infinitely to be around one such person, who is most certainly Goddess Saraswathi’s male incarnation… I can spend the rest of my life at his feet, listening to miracles he creates with his heavenly veena…

I don’t remember what brought me to his concert, at first… I knew I was in for a musical treat… Little did I expect to be transported into a state of numbness… Tears froze and I just sat there, unable to move a limb…. For weeks after that magical evening, I was unable to keep my mind off the reverberations his soul created that transcended all forms music I’ve ever heard… I spent sleepless, restless nights drunken on his music… Divine, to the say the least…

Even youtube videos of sir’s music, makes me shiver… I’m right now listening to a piece that’s sending me chills all over again…

It is unquestionably an experience of a lifetime to watch him weave magic with those fervent fingers… As if the aura he exuberates is not enough, he has an absolutely stellar team of musicians who complement his performance perfectly without overshadowing his touches, one bit… Coordination, precision and timing can’t get more perfect. Every beat keeps you on your toes. I’m always all nervous, holding my heart in my hand, wondering what’s coming up next. And no, even if he’s playing the same piece in two concerts, you cannot tell which performance was better. Each time, he unfolds absolutely unexpected elements and puts you in a state of euphoria yet again…

I feel like an ant when I meet him. Nervous, sometimes… But it’s amazing how he puts you at ease… One of the most chill persons, I’ve ever met… Absolutely no airs about himself.. Unassuming and bubbling with positive energy all the time… Oh so humble… He appreciates… He talks to you like you’re a girl next door… Sometimes, it makes me want to pinch myself to believe he’s as humble as he is…

I don’t think my words can do any justice in describing how superlative a person he is or each of his concerts are…

Rajhesh Vaidhya Sir, I know you will be reading this… Here’s my way of telling you, that I worship you and your music… I will always crave to hear more of you… I apologize profusely for not being able to attend all of your concerts this season… I will make up for it in your concerts to come…

Although I’m way younger than you, I will pray for God’s choicest blessings on you. May the world hear more and more of your music everlastingly… Please continue to brighten lives of your devout fans like me…

I seek your blessings…

Megha

Here's a piece from the Veena God Rajhesh Vaidhya, taken from his performance at Chennaiyil Thiruvaiyaru...

UNFLINCHING DILEMMA

2009-01-11T13:40:00.002+05:30

You play tricks with me, dear life
make me sad as a shrunken pea one day
make me spring up and down like an insane frog another day
what hath thou in store for me?

Must I spend this year singing away to glory in studios?
Or handle irrational problems of human beings at work?
Must I clutch onto a pen and paint a thousand words?
Tell me… which side do I sway?

Instincts tell me this year’s going to be great
not just good, but great!
Smiles, thrills, chills, happiness and no pills
But sigh… which side do I sway?

A sudden gush of positive energy
I know not from where
But this unflinching dilemma
I know not how to spare

O good Lord,
Show me a clear way
Heart or head;
Which side do I sway?

Sorry

2009-01-05T11:27:00.003+05:30

My dearest darlingest blog,

I know I’ve ignored for too long. I wasn’t even that busy. But I just didn’t get myself to write. I’m very sorry.

But hey! 2009 is here. This year, I shall not take off on a long hiatus like last year.. I'll write.. and I'll write my heart :)

Happy new year to you and all who’ve cared to drop into my blog in the past!

Love,
Me :)

Dark blue

2008-11-17T23:09:00.004+05:30

I don't understand why life throws on you situations when you have to cry like someone died.
No reason. No whatever.
Jus blues. and the blues are very very blue.
When is it going to freaking turn pink? I like pink, you know? And I miss pink. A lot.

Zero to Hero

2008-09-19T22:59:00.003+05:30

I certainly believe there’s another Dhirubhai Ambani in the making...
Here’s an Ode to Sarath Babu and his undaunted fervor…

Momma lean and poor
Toils all day to earn a Re 1
All the energy and love she showers
To raise her little ones

Multiple jobs she has at hand
Tired, but determined all along
Dwells on platforms, the poor man’s land
Teaches her children, right and wrong.

Many a castle she built in air
Off to school, her many children go
Kerosene lamps was all she could afford
Quality of life couldn’t suck more

Blessed she was with a boy so sweet
God’s own child, he was.
Momma’s burdens he carries on his feet
And turned around their lives full of flaws.

He toiled like an ant
Relentlessly day and night
To noone he could vent, puff or rant
But in the end, he got it all right

BITS Pilani he plunked into
Much to everyone’s surprise
Pavement to campus- a transformation, that.
Indeed he was a superman in disguise.

Polaris pecked him away from there
Three years he worked and worked
Debts he repaid with utmost care
In parallel, he studied and studied.

Three times in a row he tried
To meow the un-crackable CAT
With viral fever he was being fried
Yet, he made it through to IIM A, just like that!

Two years of relentless coaching
Dreams being fondled more and more
“No” he said to companies that poached him
“Idlies I want to sell”, he swore.

2000 rupees
Mumbai platform
Mother’s blessings
Dreams that weighed a million tonnes

Thus, the birth of ‘Food King’.

At ISTD Regional Conference today, I had the privilege of listening to Sarath Babu address us straight from the heart. He spoke about his hardships and how his single minded dedication and focus got him here. With all my gut, I can swear he’d be one of India’s most admired entrepreneurs. He’s well on his way out there…

Sarath, you inspire many a lives. You are non-modestly humble, profoundly young, gigantically sensitive to others and simply big. I know you’re going to be reading this. Here’s **bows** to you and your mother. May you continue to touch many a lives and miraculously transform them all, beneath your wings.

How MEN just get away!

2008-09-13T01:30:00.010+05:30

It’s amazing how some men BURY themselves in work absolutely oblivious of environment around. By environment, I mean more of social environment. They’re bestowed with the art of shutting out! They can get so self obsessed that ugh! A tsunami won’t move them.

Like it’s just so amazing how they FORGET for however long their buried in their work and for a much long time after, their near and dear ones!

Here’s a typical scenario:

Girl 1
**last night** 00.17

Girl 1
**last night** 00.23

Girl 1
**last night** 01.04

Girl 1
**this morning** 05.43

Girl 2
**this morning** 08.30

Girl 1
**this morning** 09.23

Girl 2
**this morning** 11.05

Girl 3
**this afternoon** 12.55

Girl 1
**this afternoon ** 14.00

Boy 1
**this evening** 14.25

Girl 1
**this evening** 15.59

Girl 2
**this evening ** 17.46

Girl 1
**this evening** 17.53

Girl 2
**this evening** 19.23

Girl 1
**this evening** 20.20

Girl 2
**this evening** 21.47

16 missed calls
Cell phone log, that.

And this ridiculous man finally calls back…. The women, especially Girl 1 who’s utterly frustrated, devastated, broke, miserable, angry, cry-ish, weep-ish, wail-ish, tear-ish, blubber-ish, bawl-ish, sob-ish, wimper-ish (yea I know all of these ish’s mean the same. I used the thesauraus)…. You get the point don’t you? If you’re a girl reading this, you’ve probably been in this situation 'n' number of times. And if you’re a guy, heck. I can see those ugly grins.

Yea so where was I? The man. The 16 missed calls man. He calls back…. (btw, NOT all men return calls. Even if it is 25097 missed calls, it might still go unnoticed).

Boy: “heyyyyyyyyyyy ^^girl1^^”
Girl: “why haven’t you been picking up my calls? I’ve been so worried. Is everything okay?....................................**sobs ecstatically** OR **puts up price** OR **vennnnnntttss frustration**
Boy: “blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah”
Girl: “Okay... I’m sorry. Take care. Eat on time, ^^boy^^… Please take care..”

HUH? I mean really… HUH?????!!!!!!!!
The blah’s that this boy spoke…. I don’t even want to mention! They range from flattery to oh-i-was-EXTREMELY-busy-and-haven’t-eaten-all-day stories to contingency-stories which you HAVE to believe…. Any more tactics? I can’t think of allll of them now!

There’s this boy I know who uses a new one on me:
Ignores calls, text messages on phone, emails, messages through friends, a thousand hi-pings on gtalk and all of the communication channels possible! And when he has seen too much of my vain attempts at reaching him, **ping** comes the much awaited **ping**!

Here’s a glimpse at how this strategy works:
Boy: heya!
Me: hey ^^boy^^
Boy: very busy you have become…
does not answer my calls…
reply to my messages…
eat out with me…
spend time with me…
etc.. etc…
has all the fun in coimbatore…
meano meano…
grows fat and returns…
and keeps falling all over the place!!!
but she’s the bestest!!
Me: okay yea. Your mission accomplished.
You made me smile :)
Boy: **evil grins**
Me: but that DOES NOT mean you don’t see me for the next 500 days or ignore my call
Boy: :) :)

**eyes popping out**
Well, this conversation ain’t lame. He isn’t lame, neither am I. It’s just the WAYYYYY they say it. Ridiculously charming. Adorably annoying. Cheekly cuddly.
And how we melt like useless sponges and forget all the waiting and unattended calls!

And in this case, this boy very conveniently transferred ownership of all of HIS evil deeds onto me! And very sweetly, that! How convenient! I should've recorded these conversations and attached them as audiofiles here! Grrr....

Freakin MEN! How easily you get away! Asses! I feel like poking all of your bums with needle.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

**Sigh**
But we will always love you :)

Disclaimer – I’m NOT the Girl1 or Girl2 or Girl3 registered in the 16 missed calls man's log. And this man holds no real resemblance to anyone in my life.
Reiterating: Characters Girl1,2,3 and the 16 missed calls man are FICTIOUS.
No offense meant, hope none taken!

Low log

2008-09-13T00:20:00.002+05:30

Do I call it coincidence or what? I always end up thinking about my beloved blog only when I’m low. So much so, it looks like a blog of some eternally depressed soul. So on those rare occasions when I tell people that I own a blog, I begin the blog advertisement with a disclaimer. One that states, don’t get scandalized by the number of depressing posts out there. It jus so happens, that my blog serves as quite a vent-out-receiving machine, most times…

Now that might get you to think I’m low now… Well, I don’t know. I had long day. A very long one, that. HR Symphony. Event went on well. Not like I had much to do…

Somewhere, there has been some disconnect. I had an amaaaaaaaazing trip to Coimbatore a couple of days ago. A part-adventurous one, too. Strange, I feel quite funny now. Pretty much the other extreme.

Despite all the fun I have, off and on… These lows seem to be hitting quite hard. Hmmpf. Okay, I need sleep. Ta.

I just feel like putting this picture...

Beat the Challenge Blue-Black

2008-08-07T00:05:00.005+05:30

Frustration
Pressure
Depression
Anger
Yelling
Deadlines
Ego
More frustration
Creativity block CRISIS
Wakeful night

Aggressive morning
Breathing in deep
Jogging profusely
Taking a nice cold shower
Praying hard
Start over
Search. Look. Browse. Hunt. Research.
Vain
Complete vain
Waste of time
Deadline reminder
More frustration

Seeks advice
Frantic phone calls
Chat scripts and ideas
Stubborn
*Feel good pat* from friend far of

Breathing again
Deeper, this time
Rejuvenating Chi
Fresh mind

Hours and hours of undivided attention
Unbounded commitment
Finished
Proof read
Review
Satisfied
*Smiles*
*Pat pat pat pat*
*More smiles*
*Joy*
*Happy sleep*

She...

2008-07-17T00:38:00.004+05:30

Cries when she’s thrilled
Wails ecstatically when upset
Expresses so easily
Feels from the bottom of her heart
Goes out of her way to make someone happy
Finds silliest things cute
Can make people laugh
Expects...
Gives selflessly
Cares more with time
Is oh so sensitive
Espouses what her special people like
Gets hurt so easily…
Laughs like a butterfly instantly
Sleeps like an angel…
Loves like there’s no tomorrow

but...
She
is also
STRONG

Mind your business

2008-07-13T19:43:00.002+05:30

Come
Have fun
Laugh
Go

Come
Speak your heart
Cry
Go

Come
Crib
Feel lighter
Go

Come
Hug
Feel human
Go

Come
Admit your confusion
Seek advice
Go

Come
Work
Work more
Go

Come
Sing
Unite
Go

But DON’T you freakin
Come
Comment unsolicited
Hurt me
And go.

MIND your business.

You don’t look like God.
You’re not God.
You can’t be one either.

Look at yourself full of flaws.
I’m way better.
Don’t you freakin come my way.

I’m fine.
By myself.

Ravaging dent

2008-07-06T23:28:00.008+05:30

And he kicked her with these.

Her:
Broken heart.
Tears made brooks.
Simple craving.
Ravaging dent.
Pitiful woes.
Darned heart.

Him:
Itchy heart.
Whims and fancies.
Greed, imprudence and more.
Hoodwinked her.
Deceived her also.
Foolhardy heart.

Her:
Kneels before God.
Prays unto Him.
For Forgiveness.
For him.

*Pristine heart*

Impulsive Post

2008-07-01T00:36:00.006+05:30

Okay. Jus some blah stuff.

Here's what I really want to do:

1. Write a freaking nice post on this blog. I know I've ignored it tooo long.
2. Bash up the boy who's pulling my leg on Gtalk now. He's calls himself Bee.
3. Learn "Devanganangal" and "La tibki" songs, NOW. Challenging.
4. Finish up my pending articles
5. Jive my life out (I should learn to Jive first)
6. Slap someone's face real hard. Like I mean HARD. Bee seems most likely to be my victim :)
7. Prick the puss off my finger. It's swollen to thrice its volume, for quite a bit now.
8. Buy an Optra
9. Eat corn cheese balls, bread with spinach dip, D9 salad and B29 pasta at Little Italy

I cant think of more.

Actually I thought of one more.

10. Get some sleep now.

Bliss...

2008-06-20T23:10:00.001+05:30

Just experienced a moment of bliss…

One moment that sent me CHILLS down my body, mind and soul….
I feel numb now, unable to believe what I just went through…
But it is one moment I’ll remember for life…

God, I love you…

21 years...

2008-03-19T01:35:00.004+05:30

I think God has just decided to bless me more and more, as he does a plus one to my age, every year…

No expectations, just a simple day, was all I wanted… A day with my dearest ones… Happy and smiling…

12am to 2am was like two hours of continuous smiles and thank you’s from my end… thoroughly excited and refreshed with every one who called in to wish me…

V boy drove down at 12.30 and mommy was surprisingly nice enough to let me go downstairs to see him. I had the prettiest half an hour, ever… and certainly, more than I’d ever have asked for. It was like a fantasy. I couldn’t believe my day actually began with V’s wishes, that too, in person!

Distance is NO bar for a relationship… Shooti, my nri singaporee friend sent me an email. I choose not to even write about it. But it was something that made my emotions flow criss-cross in an icily numb state of mind… I just wished my birthday was over right then, cos’ I’d already had some very unexpectedly heavenly moments…

Woke up this morning, to many more pretty calls and more from ma, pa and bro… Finally got out of my bed, feeling anew. Refreshed and adorned myself in pretty clothes and headed to meet the Lord. I could actually see Him smiling and me and saying “Rock on” :) He showed me a thumbs up as well! :) The priest laid my flowers at His feet and I just sat right there, thanking Him for all that He has given me in 21 years of my life…

Sanju boy called in alas, after college and we went to Barbeque Nation in T Nagar. Sir loved the place and we had a lovely time together, catching up on times… Also recollecting the years we’ve spent together and how life has changed… We were soon joined by Divu who instantly spread her charisma and changed the tone of the afternoon to a very chirpy, bubbly, high energy one. A birthday card that has the sweetest words etched on it, a cherubic portrait of the two of us framed to exactness that any beholder would cast eyes on and some very pretty kurtas, all wrapped with loads of love and hugs was what she bequeathed me with right then. Little did I know, there was more to come…

We got back home all stuffed with food and lots of burp. That’s ideally what you would call a “pig out” session cos’ that’s how much we ate. We relaxed for a while, we had a megha-song-listening session plus a picture-seeing session coupled with conversation… We then set out for some coffee. Strangely Divu wanted to go to “cotton world” to “check out” some clothes… So we did that and then went to Movenpick and I see V boy, Clydo and Michelle right there!! I assumed it was coincidence that they were there too! And soon beat my head to realize that this was a lil surprise party that they threw for me!!! (Courtesy: Clyde and Divya. **hugs**) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I was just so lost and it took a while to sink in that it’s my birthday and I’m right there with my dearest people!! V boy asked me to turn around and I see a huge box out there, as tall as me. “Open it, that’s your gift”, he said. It was a box that can probably fit in a refrigerator in it!
I open that big thing, just to find my clone in it. A bigger clone. A lifesize teddy bear. Like really HUGE. I lost it! It was the most unexpected thing ever. It’s something I’d take care of more than I might even care for my own child. Here’s what my new family member looks like:

All of us went to Tangerine from there… Sanju couldn’t join us, unfortunately. Raka and Rahul joined us out there. We had a lovely time at dinner. Tripping on each other, roaring and laughing! That’s all we did. Listening to Beatles in the background was a treat as well. It was then time for birthday cake! Can anything ever beat the joy of cutting a birthday cake?! Pretty moments…

Finally bid bye to all… V boy dropped Divu, Teddy bear and me home…

My irreplaceable lil brother who had been counting every minute welcomed me back home with open arms. My cousin Murali and ma lit up and gave me their best smiles. Bro had bought me a lovely birthday cake as well. ‘Fooo’ I blew the candles and cut my birthday cake and sweetened their tongues.

Divu and I then got back to my room… Found a courier from Sangee who’d sent it all the way from Hyderabad. I choked for I couldn’t take surprises anymore. Utterly touched, I opened each one of my gifts and cherished them all…

I don’t know. I’ve never thought I deserved any of this. To be loved is the best gift any human being can ever get. I’ve been showered bountifully with all the love of God through all my wonderful people.

Rohan, Prasad – thanks for the innumerable sms’s all through the day. You were incredibly sweet…

To EACH and EVERY ONE of you who remembered me today… Thanks a bunch. You really made my day…. I love you all so much. I cant cry more…

Happy tears…
Cheers,
Me

Profound Musings…

2008-03-08T22:04:00.003+05:30

Life goes around in circles… Ups and downs are inevitable in anyone’s life. It’s amazing how you can laugh your lungs out at one particular time of the day and have the most depressing moment with even just a phone call, a minute or two after that wonderful laugh! Unpredictable, yet that’s how it is…

So many wonderful people have been a part of my life, all through these 20 years… and as I’m nearing completion of 21 years, I realize I’ve never really stopped by to thank anyone or tell them how special they are and how pretty they’ve made my life…

Even though I hate to admit, my happiness/sorrow depends to a large extent on incidents, people in my life. Yeah, that’s pretty much how it is for all of us, but I guess I’m the one notch extra dependant on my friends, family. You know what I’m talking about – emotional attachment. Finding peace by myself, just being with myself is not so easy for me. I prefer a bunch of people around me all the time. Nothing can replace moments of togetherness and fun a bunch of nice friends share – be it over a cup of coffee or a plate full of yummy food. I would give up lone space to group fun, any day…

My life hasn’t changed around too much, at least over the last 2 years. But I see rampant change in my social circle – each one in different parts of the globe, doing different things. Strange that I’m more connected to those outside the city than those inside! And somehow I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to make any of these wonderful people feel that they really mean the world to me…

I know I’m just going to complete 21 years of age and that isn’t much. But I find myself going on my knees and pleading for more time cos’ things are changing a little too fast. My extra emotional conversation with my mom made me realize I’m not even going to have the privilege of living with my parents under one roof for say more than 2-3 yeas from now. God knows work or marriage is going to take me.

Like I was mentioning before, most of my extra good friends have already left the city and are making their own lives as they have shaped destiny… Some of my other friends are on their way outside, to make themselves better lives. Here I am, struggling all by myself. I don’t have the least of willingness to let anyone go. I just want everything to be just as pretty as it used to be. All I want is more and more moments of togetherness and laughter. Seemingly, I can do that only through the e-world or the phone-world now. Thanks to technology, I can at least do that!

Anyways, on that note here I am, adopting another media of technology – blogging, to tell you all lovely people out there, that I miss you and I’m going to miss you more. Thanks for making my life so inevitably pretty and meaningful all along. Thanks for making me what I am. Thanks for just being there, always…

I love you all – family, friends…

**wailing ecstatically; joy meets sorrow**

MY REFLECTIONS, on this special day…

2007-12-31T01:15:00.000+05:30

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart"
Helen Keller

There are these moments that leave you bereft of words. Moments those stir every emotion in you and form a kaleidoscope of nothingness. Today was one such day, where I was lost in the world of the challenged, breathing every minute of their existence.

Today, 30 December 2007 is a day chosen to celebrate Music God A.R. Rahman’s 41st birthday(which is on the 6 January 2007). A bunch of extremely genuine, socially conscious Rahman music slaves (that’s a degree higher than fans) decided to do something noble on his birthday. After a lot of thought process and option-exploring-sessions, Rahmaniacs, as they (read- we) proudly call themselves (read- ourselves), decided to spend a day with the inmates of an organization called Nethrodaya, a home for the Blind.

Rahmaniacs certainly have qualities of their idol imbibed in them. They’re bouquet of simple, humble people who belong to different backgrounds united with the power of A.R. Rahman’s heavenly music. We celebrated his birthday, with God’s special people – the visually challenged.

The day began with everybody feasting breakfast king-size. Meanwhile, we had our Rahmaniacs’ band inaugurating the day by invoking A.R. Rahman’s presence amidst us. Singer Pop Shalini, the guest for the day, did the honors, by cutting the piano shaped cake as we all sang “Happy Birthday to Rahman Sir”. The first piece of cake was received by Rani, one of the inmates in Nethrodaya. She was someone whom we all named “Paadum Rani”, owing to her singing prowess! Pop Shalini and myself sang a couple of A.R. Rahman numbers and then our very on Rahmaniacs’ band put together a wonderful show for us all.

The best part of the day, was the contest that we had for the inmates. We had our self-manufactured DJ who played some wonderful interludes of Rahman songs while the inmates had to identify the song and sing it! The enthusiasm we witnessed was rather infectious! We were awestruck by the response each one of them gave us as music penetrated into their ears. They were on their toes, throwing their hands up in the air, to identify the songs and grab the brownie points. Every correct identification of song was followed by truck-loads of applause, and all of us singing the song, in one voice. We even had a tie breaker and quiz for the ones that competed for the first and second position! This was one of the most gratifying events ever.

These people are indeed special. I made my way to this very pretty inmate called Pricilla, first. Introduced myself as Megha and she was elated! She patted my head and said she enjoyed my singing. I held her hands as we chitchatted about our lives. She was telling me all about herself – her routine for the day, how she travels by bus by herself for her computer classes. She felt my hands, my hair and said she’s really sure I look beautiful. She showered generous words of kindness and said, “Please come back and visit us whenever you can”. I was choking already. I did not know if I had the courage to talk to another inmate… I made myself feel really small in front of their might and strength.

Next came four other little girls, who were physically challenged. Rosy, Padma, Madhavi and Selvi… They were all really excited as we talked about each other’s lives. Incredibly touching. I was surprised when they sang along with me, when I did a mini private performance of my songs, on demand! It felt overwhelming to be at my end, where I am an ordinary person at heart, but get treated like an extraordinary person by these people. They tore a piece of white paper into equal fours and asked me to sign them autographs with my contact details. They said, they will be at my doorstep one fine day… I smiled with all my heart and invited them over, fighting back tears at the same time…

Next came, the Paadum Rani, as I have already introduced her earlier. She is an amazing vocalist and sings at concersts, as well. When I asked her, about her achievements and what she feels about it. All she said was that she wants to improve on her singing and her dream is to at least sing a scratch track for a music director. She loves singing “melodies”, she proudly beamed. I held her right hand with a pen, as we signed “Paadum Rani” with a smiley on the A.R. Rahman Birthday Wish Card that did its rounds. Rani expressed her joy as we wrote each letter of her name on the card, together…

Rahmanias were all in Cloud 100… The event filled our hearts in totality. We saw that as each one expressed in their own way. Each one of the Rahmaniacs went out of their way in doing their lil bit, towards the success of this event. Dedication and passion showed in their every gesture. This event is indeed very special to each one of us. We dedicate it to the man, we worship – A.R.Rahman. We are thrilled to have spent his birthday in a way, he’d wanted us to have celebrated it...

Rahmaniacs – Thanks a million for making me a part of this event, so willingly. You guys were incredibly sweet. I’m humbled by all your gestures. Please accept my gratitude with a smile. The very first event turned out nicer than we all imagined it to be. Here’s hoping every one of you get together for many such events. Let’s spread the divinity of Rahman’s music to many more special people, as one family.
In specific – John, Vithur, Narayan. Thanks for coordinating with me all along :)

On that note, here’s wishing all of you Rahmaniacs, a very Happy New Year..
May God bless our Rahman and all of us in abundance this year, and for years to come.

Regards,
Megha

PS:
Log onto: http://www.nethrodaya.org

For more pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/Narayan.Srivathsan/RahmanBdayCelebrationPics

Hey There Delilah

2007-12-19T10:31:00.000+05:30

For once, I wish my name were Delilah. And I wish more than anything else, someone sang this song called ‘Hey There Delilah’ for me…

This song just fills me up…There’s something about this song that just makes you feel like an innocent lil school girl, who’s just so blessed to have a boy that loves you more than anything else in this world... Life would be so pretty if all men were like this, meaning every word of this song…

This song does weird things to me, every time I listen to it… And this song cannot get any better than it already is….

If you haven’t heard it, here goes the link:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbJtYqBYCV8
And if you’ve heard it, that’s still the link… Listen again…

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

This is the simplest song ever, with the prettiest words, ever…. Love in its most pristine form. One song beats all the love songs that have ever been churned out so far… His voice, the simplicity, I dunno.. Love…

I know I’ve found a song that’s gonna comfort me at all times…. And make me fee like a pretty lil girl in my heart always..

Thanks a bunch, Raka for introducing me to this song, and to a world of pretty music that you so generously share with me..
**hugs**
**smiling with grateful twinkle in my eyes**

FACET PRESSURE!

2007-12-03T00:59:00.001+05:30

A lot of you may be able to connect to this – when you are jobless, you are so extremely bored to tears that you’d do anything to get your mind occupied. When you have work, that’s when more, and more, and still more of work come in from nowhere! How the heck would anyone multi-task when work just keeeeeeeeps coming in?!

The last minute master that I am and so happens that the college I study in is filled with many such me’s… We finally decide to wake up and WORK our asses off for the upcoming big event “HR Symphony”, which by the way, all of you are invited to.
Date: 6 December 2007; Venue: Madras School of Social Work, Egmore, Chennai.
Theme => HR – A Strategic Business Partner
I wish my blog had more traffic, I’d have attached e-invites and I could perhaps even bet on the number of people that’d turn up :P

Four days before the event, when we just about begin with the major part of the work, Ms. Megha gets busy, leaving Harini in a fix! Megha gets called for a shoot by Mega TV, she gets a dozen recordings that she’d LOVE to go to, she has someone from the press that suddenly decides to write a story on her ‘journey as a playback singer’ **chuckles**, she’s booked by another coupla event organizers to “judge” some music events, her next movie releases and she’s all excited about it – she attends her first audio release function! Harini’s choking on the other end, wanting to pat Megha’s back at one end and kick her butt at the same time! Now, DON’T picturize that!!!

And then there’s another part of her that writes. Serious stuff. Dont ask me what, thats for me to know and you to wonder! :D She works on deadlines, btw. So that’s more work!! Apart from this, there is this eternal be-a-chivalrous-sister that I have to play all the time. For that lil boy of mine just demands I take him out to eat, libraryfy, stationeryfy….. Momma that gives me gharelu work, daddy that’s behind my life to get my medicines (which I’ve been putting away for a long time now)….. All my friends who have been socially inactive all along suddenly decide to meet their long lost friend called Harini… I just remembered – I have to go to the tailor to get my accessories done for college uniform saree! Damn o damn! Pongal o pongal! Naa dead o deaddu!

Moral of the Story:
• Be kind. I’m suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder. Multiple facet pressure, I say! Hence, the disorder. Reiterating - BE KIND.
• Megha just went a lil overboard with her trumpet-blowing business, that she’d like to modestly call PR **tongue-out smiley**.. Forgive her! Well, she actually doesnt do all of that.. or maybe she does :P
• Pray for Harini and the event that she’s a part of! It better go off well, or people will assassinate her. You don’t want to attend a funeral, do you?

thats me! anyone wants to shove in another hand into me?!

Baby Spree...

2007-11-25T23:53:00.000+05:30

Women are LUCKY…. Even if she’s beaten up everyday and shunned by everyone… She’s still lucky. For there’s one thing She can do, that He cant….

I’ve two happy pregnant women in my family… One of them just delivered – a pretty lil baby girl! :) so that makes it only one more pregnant woman now.. :P

Amma, appa, my cousin, his wife and I went over to the hospital today, to see the baby. We stepped in and saw a lil thing eyes tightly closed, hands clasped so tight, sleeping so cosily. She had such tiny hands, legs… and a really tiny nose.. even tinier nails….. I watched this lil creation in AWE… and I still cant get over it.. I could see her breathe.. and she freckled, moved her arms and legs while still fast asleep… I was so tempted to touch her… but my finger looks HUGE in comparison to her.. how can babies be so tiny?

I was just so thrilled to watch that lil thing in her own world. She’s just three days old. The joy on everyone’s face there was more than just evident… the grandparents were happy on their newly acquired status. The mother gazed at her creation, her emotions I just can’t express… Daddy boy was all excited… saying “thanks” to all the “congrats” that he received from every one of us. The lil baby’s older brother stood right next to his 3-day old sister, guarding her from all of us. He would say “don’t touch” if any of us came closer than he allowed us to! He demands that his baby sister be called ‘Sreeja’…

I keep chatting with the currently pregnant sister of mine…. Listening to her describe what she goes through everyday fills me up…. This is one of the most amazing creations of Nature… I mean, to have a real living being created inside you…. for all that the mother does just to feel the lil creature kicking her….

My mum recollected so fondly those days when she was carrying me and then my brother… how she took care of me when I was jus as tiny as ‘Sreeja’… to what food I ate… how I crawled… took my first walk…. To how I would not sleep all night and get my mum to rock the hand-made saree swing… how I cried when I went to pre-school and refused to eat… how I’d eagerly wait for appa to come back home from office and say “dhaa dhaa dhaa dhaa dadaddada dhaa dhaa”, that was my way of explaining what I did all day, apparently… the frocks that I’d love wearing…

I KNOW I’ll make a lovely mother… someday… but.. I want to have a baby NOW! Wait… I’m not married yet…! And I don’t have a boy yet!! O wait… I don’t even have a job…. Uhm.. Aint I still studying…? O btw, I’m still not officially allowed to enter a pub.. which freaking means I’m just TWENTY years olllldddddddddd!!! Snap. The baby will have to wait….!

ps - i shall put up a picture of Sreeja, after i get one.. until then, here's me :)

Over the last three months...

2007-10-10T00:00:00.000+05:30

Ranju just made my day! She told me that she read my blog and she really liked it… She mentioned in particular, a couple of blogs that tempted me to want to go back and read it….

I just realized anyone can figure out my life through my blog…. It just traces my journey over the last two years….. However, I figure I haven’t given it much of an update in terms of my life at the moment… So here goes it:

U G seems to have gotten over many years ago… P G is a different life altogether. A whole new bunch of friends… I’m doing my masters in the field I’ve always wanted to be in and I’m enjoying every bit of it, despite me regretting sometimes for not working hard enough for my cat xat stuff…. Nevertheless, God has been very kind to me. And MSSW is certainly a blessing. And I’m sure it will add value to me life…

My first few days out here were rather bumpy. I dint like anyone. People assumed I’m a geek. I’m jus not the hey-she’s-a-nice-girl kinda impression giver for the first few days… I take my own time to open up and find footage… But now it’s all cool! Doing well in exams, had a blast during culturals, been given a generous post called “Vice President” by the department, and hence doing some serious work for symposiums to be held…

I’m really happy to have gotten along so well with Divya… She’s been in MOP for three years, but I’ve never really known her… and now, we’re good bumchums :).. I should call us partners in crime! :p We compliment each other perfectly in music, fun and studies! Boy-meeting sessions (hehehehehe), movie watching sessions, combine study sessions, shopping sessions – its been just about 3 months and so much of fun!
Here’s divu and me…

Music on the other hand is being nice to me too. I’ve had my first two movies doing a decent job at the box office. Eagerly awaiting the release of my upcoming movies… and certainly waiting for more offers to come in! :)
Met some biggies in music in the last couple of months – A R RAHMAN, Kartik, Naresh Iyer, Rahul, Krish, Tipu, Chinmayee, Priya Subramaniam, Prasanna….. feels nice! :). Vijay Antony sir, Imman sir and Srikant Deva sir have generously given me the opportunity to render some of their compositions…
Here’s me, with Imman sir at his studio…

The A R Rahman meeting was a rather astounding experience… its all I’ve ever wanted ever since I was in 6th grade. Seeing the man in flesh and blood was completely scintillating… I’m thankful to Ooh la la program for giving me an opportunity to meet the God, even though I chose not to stay in the program beyond prelims. I just watched the man in awe, and my eyes filled up… I don’t think anyone can be more simple and humble like him….. I wish I’d get to sing for him someday...

Hmmpf.. So life’s moving on….. and I’m just making the best out of what I have at the moment…

Shooti, Nisi, Sangee, Icy, Taki, Indu, Valu, Cheri, Reynah, Preethi – I miss you…
Banju, V boy – you make my life so pretty, thanks a bunch…. I love you both..

I’ll write soon..

Regards,
Me.. :)

Smileys! :)

2007-09-30T23:04:00.000+05:30

this smiley's nice!!!! :)

i think its chinky :D

i'm trying to figure out when my face looks like that.... when i catch my brother on phone with a girl, perhaps?! :P

i just realized i LOVE smileys.... i mean, they're soooooooo cute! and so so so expressive!!! i wonder what life would be like without these emoticons!!! dull and boring :(

"one picture is worth a ten thousand words" - chinese proverb.
smiley's are such a beauty. so pretty! and i think yahoo messenger has the cutest smileys ever!!! and such a joy to use!! the hugs smiley.. the pheww smiley... the laughing on the ground smiley.... :)))))))))

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. i love smileys!!! i'm jus so happy smiley's celebrated their birthday recently! and when ndtv actually featured that as part of their news, i was like yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy! :) :)

smileys are like an identity by themselves... jus really pretty creatures that make me so happy! even the angry and crying smileys rock! :) :)...

if i were to be born again, maybe i'll want to be a smiley! :) yellow face. two dots. one curvy line!! simple life!! :) :)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah....
look below:
thats me! :) red face, though!

SPREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2007-09-30T22:53:00.000+05:30

My latest craze - Shopping. Actually not latest, its always been there... But it jus seems to have been proposing serious threats to my pocket over the last few months. More so over the last one month. Wondering how many ppl would've "cast eyes" on me... Mom's been screaming at me, so has bro. But i still seem to be shopping like in quite a reckless manner...

Help me put a FULL STOP.... or atleast an exclamation mark?

Saturday, today...

2007-09-08T18:49:00.000+05:30

Ah. Lousy cricket match, that... They should probably hang these umpires. I mean, who are they to decide the fate of the game? Cant technology do it instead? Hmmpf..

Saturday, today.... and for a change, I got into my pair of lousy shorts and tee, n the afternoon, couched onto my sofa and watched cricket match. Yeah, me. I watched cricket match.
Felt nice to actually stay home on a saturday... No work in coll, music, no class no nothing... Friends in different corners each doing their own thing...

I realized, sitting at home, biting on some pijja+garlic bread+choc brownie, watching tv is actually a nice way to spend a lazy afternoon...
Normally,I'm either recording or coffee house hopping or lunching with friends or shopping on saturdays.... Today was pleasantly different... Got myself to do some writing as well.... Not bloggable stuff though. Nevertheless, I let many a glitter pen do some art work in a pretty book that I have...

Aprom... avlo dhaan. I just feel nice! :)

IN YOUR HANDS

2007-08-10T09:09:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time
lived an old man
by the brook
in a hut so small.

Blessed he was
with wisdom
God-sent mannah he was
for villagers.

Questions came from the north
south, east and west,
The old man answered them all
with precision and calm.

Questions about life and death,
the sun and the moon, heaven or hell,
The old man answered them all
with grace and charm.

Questions from the tall and healthy
Weak and small, Young, old and the bold,
The old man answered them all
with patience and warmth.

Many a villagers came
flocking to his abode
Day after day
he answered tirelessly.

Two little siblings
a boy and a girl
twitched at the old man’s fame
and determined to put him to shame.

Racking their pea-sized brain
to manufacture a plan
fool proof and smart
to catch the old man by his thumb.

They thought and thought
of a question
that the old man cannot answer.
they thought and thought.

Eureka! The two screamed outta joy
A little bird was caught
tightly held in the boy’s palms
feathers outstretched his tiny hands.

They would ask,
“O wise man, is this bird in my hand
dead or alive”
either ways, the old man would be caught.

“Alive” if the old man says,
the boy would squeeze the bird
to death
to prove the old man wrong.

“Dead” if the old man says,
the boy would let go of the bird
to fly
to prove the old man wrong.

Thus the two siblings rejoiced
at their brainchild
The million dollar question
that would put the old man to shame.

Alas, they went to the old man and asked
“O wise man, is this bird in my hand
dead or alive”
eagerly they waited for an answer.

The old man smiled
and said,
“Whether the bird is alive or dead
it is in your hands”

Maketh your life or
Breaketh your life
Blame not destiny
Blame thyself.

Sometimes...

2007-08-08T22:45:00.000+05:30

Sometimes people can be mean. Really mean.
Sometimes people just think it’s their birthright to hurt people
Sometimes people are just SO insensitive
Sometimes people think they’re God
Sometimes people look through you and pretend you don’t exist
Sometimes people ridicule the art you worship
Sometimes people take you for granted
Sometimes people just assume you’re a shit-taking machine
Sometimes people mock your brainchild
Sometimes people order you to do things THEIR way
Sometimes people imagine that you’re some auto-energized ogre
Sometimes people place donkey’s worth to your prized “time”
Sometimes people forget good old days and move on letting you rot
Sometimes people just don’t like you for what you are…

In strange proportions I’ve experienced all of the above, over the last two weeks...
Hence, the shitty feeling. I’ll get over it.

2007-08-08T21:51:00.001+05:30

I’ve always been careful with money
Cautious, very cautious.
However, sometimes I’ve spent recklessly
Like water, water.
Today, I realize the worth of money – courtesy:
Parents. My Parents.

Randoming Babblings...

2007-07-27T23:11:00.000+05:30

Man…… it feels so so so good to have net at home! Pooh. Comforts –ultimately that’s what all of us want to have. I used to loathe sitting in those dingy cyber cafes trying beat those keyboards frantically cos’ they were jus so annoying…
I finally feel like my life’s normal… sitting in my room, late night.. in front of my comp.. orkuting, chatting and trying to fill up something in my long-ignored blog :)

I’m listening to my “nee kavidhai” now.. and I like it! :D like really like it… I’m so happy. **pat pat on my back**

College is edho okay okay.. nice bunch of seniors… But I’m longing to have fun with my friends – shooti nisi and all of them… also, prasad anthea and all of them… and sanju and v boy ofcourse :), that goes without saying!

You know what? I’ll come up with a decent post soon… this hardly qualifies to be a blog entry. None of my posts qualify :). Like akx rightly mentioned, I sound like a two year old! I’ll try and come up with a “grown up” post next!

Until then… tata. :)
Me.

PS - i dont know why i put this picture. i just put it. doesnt it make you want to scratch your brains with like your toes or something? or maybe something worse. i dont know. you teme.

Buzzzzzzzz........

2007-06-22T23:03:00.000+05:30

I wish I were a bee…
Like a nice chrome yellow bumble-bee…
I dunno if I’d sting and all..
But yeah, I’d love to manufacture honey.
Maybe even sell it to dabur.
So that they can add all that they add and sell it in bottles.
With my picture on it.
But I’m a fat bumble bee. With dimples.
So they should just put my picture.
And mention – “Source: this pretty bumbee called Harini”

How’d I go about manufacturing honey?
I’ll first fly all around…
Chennai Bangalore everywhere..
I’ll go to Singapore also. And meet some bee friends of mine there..
Yeah, so I’ll pick a pretty garden..
With many color color flowers.
Pink. Purple. Red. Pink..
I’ll go flower-hopping..
I’ll dance tra-la-la-la… and sing aloud…
All flowers around are jus gonna watch my performance in awe
They’ll all call me to their home..
And I’ll dance and sing for all of them..
Special bum-dance for certain extra nice flowers I’ll do..
And I’ll go to my home with loads of nectar.
All my baby bees would be waiting for me..
So would my hubby bee..
I’ll give him a hug… and put them all to sleep.
But God made me a queen bee.
So I have to work. Tirelessly.
I’ll store all the nectar in my hood.
And then call dabur boys.
I wont let them burn us up.
I’ll jus give them my honey generously.
cos’ they’re making me famous
By putting my picture on their bottles
that reads – Source: “this pretty bumbee called Harini”

Booooo...

2007-06-13T22:42:00.000+05:30

i made that bhooth.
i was making my way to the r t o, but i took the wrong turn and ended up in a sudugaadu... thanks to certain ppl :P
full insipiration came off. the bhooth in moi sprouted.
hence, the art work.
dont smirk. i'd like to call it that.

ps. sudugaadu - graveyard.

2007-06-07T23:15:00.000+05:30

Bitchini. Thats my new name.
I'm not skimpily clad.
But slightly full angeryilycrazy mood.
Hence, Bitchini.

Mi$hmasH

2007-06-05T23:45:00.000+05:30

if you were to take a scan of my brains,
this is exactly how it will look.
now.

Huhn?

2007-05-20T15:56:00.000+05:30

Beat boxing?!?! Huhn.

Dabba dabba dee dooo deeeeee thuba thuba thuba poooooooooooooo!

Yay! I’ve become American Idol, too..!

Honors please? An album for me, perhaps?

**smirk**

For you, Shooti...

2007-05-14T22:01:00.000+05:30

shooti ma, here's my treat.... i cant treat you in person now.. but please accept this for me...

lots of love,
me :)

PS - to all: shooti knows why i'm treating her! :)

Happens, sometimes…

2007-05-14T20:44:00.000+05:30

More often than not, we forget the fact that at the end of the day, all of us, are HUMANS… “Saadhaarna manidhargal”, susceptible to make mistakes…
In this fast-track world full of rubbing shoulders and struggle, one is ALWAYS under the pressure to perform to one’s best…. Sad but true, that CANNOT happen all the time…. Reasons could be psychological, highly practical, one of those everything’s-wrong-about-today kinda days…. Or it could even be just a state of mind, that doesn’t allow someone to perform to their fullest potential on a particular day. And I certainly think that is pardonable, rather entirely justifiable…

On that note, I realize how much ‘pressure’ can affect a person’s confidence levels, mental state – results of which are evident, rather tangibly. We must learn to ACCEPT failure (if I could call it that), gracefully.

I’m no big shot. I’m not even close to becoming one. Neither do I want to.
Everyone faces his/her fair share of pressures everyday…. My passion-turned-part time-profession Singing has put me under those numerous circumstances of pressure…
To cite the latest – “SPB Ennoda Paatu Paadungal”….
Well, to even be seated around the legend would give the best of singers goosebumps, or even those weird stomach itches… Needless to say, to be given a chance to sing in front of him with the cameras right on your face is all the more ghastly…. It’s just overwhelmingly frightening…
It so happened, that I picked a tough song, I thought I could pull off well…. I still believe so. However, I took the whole thing too casually, I kept humming the song along with the track and assumed I got it all right. Went straight over for the rehearsal and messed up the song from top to toe. That was like a slap on my face for being so over-confident. I was all geared up clear the mess I made of myself. That day was tiring though – sitting in a dingy room with no fan from 9 to 5…. I decided to get myself a good night’s sleep and start working on the song afresh from the next day. My plans went kaboom when I received a call at 8.30 that night from jaya tv, promptly intimating me about recording the very next morning! Highly unexpected. Pooh. I suffered that night.. *very very very tired* *angry* *depressed* *tensed*.. I still managed to practice hard until my voice finally gave up…
Went for shooting early next morning… Ran over the song a zillion times in my head. I still dint have a good feeling though… I knew I’d do better than the rehearsal (thanks to practice session that night).. I wasn’t praying for miracles to happen. When I was finally called on stage to sing, I dint have the presence of mind to even drink water before getting there, my throat was all dry and dead. And there I was, trying to sing one of the toughest songs, ever… I sang like a pregnant woman, taking deep breaths after every word, leaving everyone in unease.
A lot of lessons I learnt – 1. NEVER get on stage without copious amounts practice...2. pick songs that showcase MY style more than anything else... 3. Sometimes, things go wrong, take it well….
The show was telecasted this Saturday…. It’s more like public disgrace of myself… But no, I’m not as embarrassed as I should be. I KNOW I can sing better than that. The same song. Its easy to hold responsible those ‘extra’ factors and say it-was-jus-not-my-day.. But no again, I blame myself just as much as I blame those ‘extra’ factors…
I know I will not hit the stage once again, without adequate practice. I’m working towards it, and I will get there, someday……
This hasn’t been my only ‘failure’…. There are numerous along the lines of music that I can cite…. My very first recording with the maestro Illayaraja that bombed, my very first recording with Yuvan that just slipped outta my hand, my two attempts with L V Ganesh that failed miserably…. If I let these affect me, I should probably quit singing :). But I won’t…
I forgive myself for not doing my best sometimes, cos’ that never happens deliberately. I choose to laugh off those pretty many horrible-singing-instances and take a break from having to be the best all the time…
Nonetheless, I’ll do all I can to keep moving up the progress-line…
On that note, I look back at my lil achievements and sign off, with a big smile….. :)

Snowed down by the power of music…

2007-05-11T00:37:00.000+05:30

Music is such an ocean… Limitless… Boundaryless… Timeless…

It takes a whole cycle of births and deaths to attain moksha, saints say. I wonder if that entire cycle is enough time to understand the depths of music… its technicalities, its complexities…

If God gives me one wish, I KNOW now, that I’m gonna ask him for musical bliss, and nothing else. I want to throw myself into the ocean, and forget myself… all I want to hear is the resonance of Om, ringing in my ears, all the time…

More often than not, people put on some music in the background and go about doing their work…..
Try this – shut yourself out from the rest of the world. Turn off lights. Plug your headphones. Turn up volume. Put on some soul-stirring music… Close your eyes…
I lose myself, everytime I do this…. It transports me to an unknown undiscovered world full of mystery and calm. I place this experience 20 steps higher than meditation even. Such is the power of music. Listening to the resonance of every single instrument in isolation even when they’re all played as one, into your eyes…

I feel taken over sometimes, when I’m blinded amidst magic of music… While my eyes are hooked to the farther most it can see, from the beach shores whilst the waves dance to the rhythm of an indefinitely powerful force… While I kneel before the shrine, my heart at His feet… While I’m drunk on the sounds of tanpura…. While crooning raag yaman kalyani….. the experience is divine.. far beyond heavenly…

‘Voice’ is one of the biggest wonders of the world. One of the finest creations of God.. No two people in the world sound the same. It is one instrument that can be cultured and refined to melody…. I’m not going to let my voice rot another single day… I will nurture it, mother it and foster it with all my heart, for myself and for God…

Parting Ways...

2007-04-25T00:42:00.000+05:30

The depths of emotions I feel right now… Its something the numb me hasn’t felt in a long long time… I’m quite out of the “comfortably numb” shell I got myself into, almost a year ago…. I realize now, that I’m stil my same old emotional self.. just that, it hits not as often as it used to earlier….

I kinda got used to people walking in and out of my life…. I psyched myself to believe that I’m “okay” with it….
Everything’s changing in my life. Coll over. I’m not happy with results. I gotta job. I don’t have a PG admission. All this is still okay.. BUT shooti’s leaving…….

It dint hit me all along, until I had a gtalk convo with her, like a couple of minutes ago….. Shooti is one of my closest friends ever….. I cried like this exactly a year ago, when certain inevitable things happened in my life….. parting with shooti, feels just the same……the same… the same…….

What shooti’s done to my life, I wouldn’t ever be able to write… She’s made me feel pretty, she’s patted my back when I deserved it, she’s wacked my ass when I needed it, she’s mothered me all along.. she’s helped me grow into the person I am, from the very naïve, gullible fool that I was once….. she bears with me even when I’m most annoying, moody, nutty…. Tolerant. In totality.

Shooti has always ensured she gives me her time… infinite hours on phone, those “moments” we’ve shared over a pastry, at the temple...... I don’t know. Words are getting stuck somewhere in my head. It just wont come…
She’s leaving… she’s going away to Singapore to her daddy and mommy and tush bro boy… Embarking upon her, a whole new life.. new country, new people.. carrying with her, some very special memories, chasing the sun…. She’s leaving behind people whom I know mean the world to her…. her friends…… Shooti has however left with me, priceless possessions – her songs. Very pretty songs, that she guards and feeds like a baby to her bosom…..

I know I’m a lucky bitch for having gotten to have her in my life. She’s way too special to me. You won’t know how much. I really don’t know why life has to get us all to part ways…..

Shooti, I’ve been writing this thru our conversation….. it looks battered and unorganized.. but I guess, that’s how its meant to be. I wanted to TRY expressing what I feel for you. But words fail me so bad. I hate myself.

Shooti, its HARD……. Its so hard. Really. You don’t know…. All along, it wasn’t hitting me….. I don’t know why this one convo of ours pushed me to the extremes of my emotions……. So much so, I cant write.

Girl. You will live. And you will live well. Noone can stop that from happening. Not even God… You jus be a good thing that you already are, Shooti. I don’t know. I’m going now. I can’t write more, bye. I want to cry. In peace. Bye.

ps. - thats shooti and me. all smiling and happy.... thats how i feel, when i think of her.... shooti, you're my everything shooti. you be happy and nice.....

TAG... Picked it up from Nisi..

2007-03-29T16:24:00.000+05:30

1. One thing you are very much afraid of?
Losing near and dear ones..

2. Two incidents you can never forget in your life?
Incident 1: Was skipping away to Hindi class wearing a pretty skirt at 7am. I get SLAPPED hard on my right cheek by one mad woman… Done ask me why. That’s unsolved mystery.
Incident 2: Again in the 6th grade – when I was lost in the pee world, not realizing the bolt dint work… A senior happened to get a glimpse of moi and slammed the door back on my face, terrified. Now, now, DON’T over imagine!!!

3.Three books you would love reading again and again?
I don’t read much.. However they’d be..
i. Stop worrying and start thinking – Dale Carnegie
ii. My ‘memoir’ book that my friends filled in the 12th grade, and now in coll…
iii. Nisi + Moi’s paper presentations.. hehe

4. Four women who are most beautiful?
i. Amma
ii. Gautami (My favvvvvvvvv lil cousin. She’s BEAUTIFUL.)
iii. Varunika Vyas (one sweet girl with no false pretense)
iv. Sameera Reddy

5.Five of you favorite food items?
i. chaat
ii. suda suda suda parupu sadham with loads of ghee
iii. ANYTHING sweet
iv. Idiappam Stew
v. Karudam

6.Six words you use very often oral/written?
i. Too much for your FACE
ii. Podi kuppi
iii. LOSER!!
iv. You’re such a weirdo, that’s what you are.
v. Pooh.
vi. Macha..

7.Seven things you like about yourself?
i. I’m very very very caring
ii. I’m sweet
iii. I love my voice
iv. I speak fairly well
v. I’ve LOVELY friends
vi. I’m a silly kid at heart
vii. My moods oscillate….

8. Eight film personalities who are your all time favorites?
i. Tabu
ii. Jyotika
iii. Rani Mukherjee
iv. Rahul Bose
v. Jennifer Aniston
vi. Meera Jasmine
vii. Mathew Perry
viii. Madhavan

9.Nine movies you wont mind watching again and again?
i. Mozhi
ii. Kannathil muthamittal
iii. Bend it like Beckham
iv. Sirahugal
:( everyone knows I aint a movie buff.. and I cant churn out more. However, I love the movies I mentioned…

10.Ten songs you would like to listen to everyday?
i. Most of Mariah Careys.. they’re divine
ii. Rakshagan – Kanava illae kaatra
iii. Guru – Ay Hairathe
iv. Varalaaru – Theeyil vizhindha thaena
v. Pavitra – Uyirum Neeye
vi. Beatles – Let it be
vii. Nisi – Ode to Women
viii. Dulaari – Suhaani Raat
ix. Kaanaa inbam kanindhadheno
x. Desulavuthey

I tag.. Ghanshyam, Painah, Sparrow, The Visitor, Akx, Anjana, Venk...

TWENTY!

2007-03-18T23:41:00.000+05:30

Two decades ago, I lay
with my eyes closed, hands fastened,
clasped in my makers’ bosom..

One decade ago, I beam
with my pretty pink frock, red lipstick,
milk teeth making way for vampire-like ones..

Here I am, today…
Carrying memories weighing a twenty years,
Frozen and Numb….

20 years! Phew! It’s not sinking in!!
Despite my claiming to “age gracefully”, being twenty does feel different! And a lot older.. a wee wiser as well! :) To mark this day where my life’s almanac ticks twenty, I had a bunnnnnnnnnnnch of people who’ve made it incredibly special for me…

At dot twelve came in tons of hugs and wishes from all my friends who wouldn’t let me stop smiling for the next couple of hours… Indu mole promptly lit the first wick of my birthday’s kuthuvilakku, followed by Shooti wooti, Cheri berry, the happy budday ringtone gifter Prashanth, Preethi saroj, Barath, Sandy brandy, my lil drunk Sanju, Valu baby and the Bangalore brainchild Vidyashankar.. :)
Mommy and daddy gave me a bear-hug and wished their twenty-year old monument a life of a hundred years… And my bro gave me a sheepish grin, a conscious hug, whispered “happy birthday” and off he went, perching himself in front of the television that telecasted the rather ugly India-Bangladesh match…

Woke up this morning, with Nitu’s call… Jerked out of my bed when the Sand man called! Went to the Ganesh temple with mumma, lit lamps and prayed for my dearest… Paid visit to another temple on my way back home, just to find my lil bro awaiting me with his hand-assembled “basket of goodies” as he likes to call it.. :) In it I find, pretty combs, a Japanese fan, rose tissues, nailpolishes (and a remover to compliment it), pens… and a lil card writ in ink conveying his birthday wishes… Mommy then gave me the very pretty sarees she bought for me (perhaps, signifying that I’m getting older!)… :)

Hand full of goodies, I enter my music-filled room, and hear shrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks followed by a “happy birthday” in chorus! The dumb-struck me shook my head and saw Nisi, Shooti, Icy, Taki, Arch, Sangee, Sandy and Swa flashing their brilliant thirtytwo! The dumb-founded me broke down, completely overawed by the ‘surprise’…. “Phoo”, I blew my n number of candles and cut my pretty brown cake, feeding these babies turn after turn… I got myself an ample ounce of sweet-butter on my moonji(courtesy:Nisi)… and on my hair too(courtesy:Sangee)… I looked something like this:

Then came the gift-opening session…. Taki, Icy, Arch, Nisi’s skirt+mug+mask+jewel box+pretty paper bag+hand made card…. Sandy Swa’s terracotta wall-hanging+grand top+earrings+ mobile pouch… Shooti’s antique face-vase+pearl chain+ram earrings+kutti rings… Sangee’s very thoughtful embroidery kit+pearl earrings+chappal keychain+mobile phone accessories!!!! **my moonji all lit up right now**

Soon after, I did some very appalling “manly” bum-shake to Sean Paul’s Get Busy that completely took away the moments of grace that swa jus delivered with her “Kajra re”… I then, coyly took over the camera to video-fy the danseurs perform – ‘variya ‘and the many songs to follow!

Then came the birthday-girl decking session! All my newly acquired properties were strategically placed all over my body… take a look!!!!!

Meanwhile, mommy made us all a mini-lunch.. Sambhar saadham, alu fry, senakezhangu masiyal, cabbage-peas curry, curd rice, vadumaanga and chips! We kottified beautifully… yapped around for a while, and then the pretty girls went back to their abode… Milli-seconds later, I found myself weeping into my pillow…
Nisi, Shooti, Icy, Taki, Arch, Sangee, Sandy and Swa – thanks a million… you really made my day, so special, so special.. very very special.. To see us all coming together and having such a good time on my birthday was completely overwhelming… really really touched by your gesture, bumbees.. love you all… so much. Thanks a ton…

Lolling at home.. watching tv… orkuting…. Went out in the evening to see the sleep + alcohol deprived S man, who promptly blurted “you look FAT in this dress!” Grrrr…. I chewed his brains off for a while… made him watch aaalllllll the videos in my cam. Nibbled some cookies and then got back home… With this, I call it a day. A special one.

Vikram, Arjun-puri-ganga aunty, Abhi, Sid P, Giriesh, Shitu, Vivek, Rsn, Vanita, Tanu, Benny, Prasad, Vijay, Prakash, Sandeep, Vasuda, Perima, thanks a ton for calling in…
Shweta, Manoj, Vasan, Biju, Sid Deb, Aks, Priya, KK, Deepu, Saikat, Vidya, Mansa, Arjun, Ritesh, Reynah, Preethi, Anthea, Gautam, thanks a ton for messaging in…
Divya Bharath, Vidya, thanks so much for emailing in…
Not forgetting to mention, every one of you who’ve left me orkut scraps… I know I had eight pages full of wishes…. Overwhelming… Thanks so much :)
**hugs** to all you guys… Love you all…

Cheers and smiles,
Me :)

PS: Awaiting lunch with the V boy tom.. With that, my birthday celebs would rest, for the year! :)

The Pensive Me...

2007-03-11T00:50:00.000+05:30

i love this pic... i really do...
i was telling shooti that it should form the cover of a novel! :D :D

for some reason, this picture captures EXACTLY my current moodswing... i dunno..

conceptualized and created by ms. omniscient - nisi bisi dearest :)
nis - thanks a ton :) :)

MY LITTLE BROTHER…

2007-03-01T20:01:00.000+05:30

I jus wrote a testimonial for my brother on orkut and I’m in all tears…

My lil bro turns 14 tomorrow and I love him oh so much. For some silly reason, I’ve been awfully excited about his birthday for like a few months now. I wouldn’t be able to sleep in peace if I don’t drive him crazy everyday with my loud “babiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, you’re birthday’s coming!!!”… and ah. He used to almost ridicule me for being so silly…

I keep telling my mum, that he should’ve been the elder one in my family, instead of me…. Cos it really feels like he is my elder brother…. And I’m the nutty me, screaming “coo” into his ears; sitting on his lap; filling my mum’s ears with complaints about him not spending time with me; shutting his book when he’s deep into reading and laughing my boisterous laugh; pinnnnnnnching his cheeks until he screams “hariniiiiiiiii stop it”; half opening the door when he’s back from school and slamming it back saying “you can stay out” – the only difference being, he slams the door back on me with his newly developed arm muscles (well, he was stick thin a few months ago.. and suddenly he’s become a power-boy!)..

It’s like I don’t want time to move on so fast. It’s moving on, a lil too fast. Coll’s over even before I digest the fact that I’m in college… My parents are saying stuff like, “finishing studying now, get on your feet soon after.. we wanna get you married down three years”….. Tomorrow is my bro’s birthday and he’s actually turning 14!! Nothing seems to be the same… everything’s changing… and a little too fast…

I go back to those days, where my brother was safe and cozy in my mum’s womb. I remember how proudly I beamed to all my 1st grade friends, that I’m gonna hav a lil baby bro/sis…. I remember the day, 14 years ago, when my dad frantically ran from pillar to post trying to save my mum’s life with some many litres of blood that the doctors demanded “urgently”, for she was in a “critical” state… God’s grace, both the baby and the mother are safe… I was dumbfounded when I first saw this little living being, beside my mum… awfully tiny hands folded so tight, microscopic legs, nose, ears, brown hair… I clung onto my dad’s arms and watched the lil thing, lost in its own world… sleeping…….

We’ve come a long way through… I distinctly remember every moment of his life…. Even those horrible days in the hospital, when he was battling to breathe, jus six months after he was born….. stubborn child he was… and he still is! :)
I loved those days when I was in the fifth grade…. Bro and I used to go to crèche together.. I used to waiiiiiiit for my school bell to ring at the end of the day… I would rush to the cycle stand and peddle as fast as I could, with all my might, to bail my brother out of the crèche... :)

He’s a big boy now... A whole fourteen years old…! A boy who has gathered a lot of traits, attitude, learning, notions, over time….. I guess I’ll take a while to get used to him growing!! As of now, I’m just awed by him, his rate of growth (which is absolutely normal.. just that, I’m still stuck in the past)…

I cherish every moment we've spent together… When he quietly perches on my bike and puts his arms round me, while I ride.. When we hold hands and cross the road as I lead us on with my ridiculous way of wading through vehicles waiting to kill us… When we go out to eat chaat or grab a pastry off and on… Those rare occassions when he says “how was your day…”… Those days when I don’t get home on time, and he very caringly asks Amma “why isn’t Harini back home”… When he says "congrats" and pats my back when i come back with a prize..... Priceless moments… Moments that will remain etched in my memory, forever….

Dearest Baabi bro, I really really love you… You completely rock… I hope you’ve read your testimonial on orkut… Have a wonderful birthday… God bless you.. :)

Spread your wings and fly high...... like a butterfly..........

TAKE TWO

2007-02-24T00:19:00.000+05:30

Here is an ongoing conversation of two wonderful people namely Mr. Ghanshyam and Ms. Harini. Mr. Ghanshyam is a final year student of Viscom (a line that’s still a mystery to him). He’s a very talented singer and most importantly, a foodie. Ms. Harini is a final year student of B.Com (and she’s dying to graduate). She’s an upcoming singer and again, a big foodie.

The two of them bump into each other on orkut on a Friday evening, as the blogger in Harini does the recording.

H: gimme a lil while.. i'll go gobble food. else i'll cry.
G: eat, girl, to your heart's content...
H: i always eat to my heart's content. which is why my tummy is as big as my heart. rather, bigger.
G: no match for mine, surely?
H: you're a boy. you CAN afford to get heftier.. i cant :(
G: that doesn't make sense to me at all... i thought you're a crusader for equal rights for women and stuff? you're exercising your right to get hefty...
H: lol. bt i dont want to....
i wanna be half my weight!
hehehe.
G: you think i'm proud of my girth? i'm just trying to think up the bright side of being nearly spherical.
H: jus like i always claim that this is a man's world...
i also think its a "slim's world"...
mind you, not THIN.. but SLIM!
G: that is the sad truth i have come to accept... but then sometimes being psychologically slim does just enough to make people forget you aren't quite physically slim... actually, that's all crap, a little more of looking on the bright side...

H: (out of the blue) curd rice, maanga oorga tastes like HEAVEN...............................
(H jus got herself some curd rice maanga oorga, that her amma had beeeeeeautifully pesenjified and put in a kutti dabba for her to eat along with a spoon.. **smiles**)
G: ah, yes... so too does onion rava, and plain dosa, and oothappam, and most things edible...
paruppu sadam drenched with ghee is quite nice too!
H: parupu saadham drenched with gheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh. suda suda suda suda. vethakozhambu or sambhar to thottufy. and alu frrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and applaaaaaaaaaaaam!
i wanna eat. now now now now now...
G: hehe... i love simple stuff, like poricha kootu, pumpkin or podalanga or cabbage... and some of the stuff me mum makes in the evenings... what can i say... simply divine... like pudi kozhukattai... mor kali... puli aval... man i simply looooove me mum's cooking!
H: iyer saapaadu rocks, dont you think?
specially kalyana saapaadu!
and i've NEVER not put on.. ATLEAST two kgs, everytime there's a relative's wedding at home..
you must probably ask sangee, what a saapaatu raami i am!
G: hehe... being rotund is all for a good cause, i guess... but some of my friends eat three times as much as i do, and look like straws... unfair...
H: ABSOLUTELY. tell me about it...
and that's GROSSELY (if its a typo, ignore it) unfair..
:( life IS so MEAN................. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i wanna scream.

Valentines Day... Grrr....

2007-02-14T18:16:00.000+05:30

There's NOTHING so nice about V day. Its jus such a farce... Some man-made love-red-valentine-date shit.. I dont like it. I just dont. I mean, I really dont...

In the last 19 V day's i've seen so far, NONE of them have been nice. NONE. Then why such hype for this one blessed day? Arrrgh. Its not even funny.

Mistake-me-not. I dint have a bad day today. Today was like a 100 shades better than the previous 18.. and it was BLISSFUL as compared to that of last year... Ah. I dont wanna get started on that one.... **painful sigh**

But one thing's for sure. I'm never going V day partying-dating-wishing-red'ing-lov'ing (I dint, this year.. AND I wont, ever).. Its some crappy hoax. And I dont like it.

Man.. V day makes me SO ANGRY. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........

PS: O that red evil heart is my art piece! **sheepish grin**

2007-02-13T18:27:00.000+05:30

Me: Life is fucky and sucky. I wanna fuck the suck out of my life.
Nisi: ur rambling..

Me: Life is fucky and sucky. I wanna fuck the suck out of my life.
Reynah Painah: cant help u much here... vaccuum cleaner, perhaps?

(Maybe i'll delete this post in a while. For now, let it just be there.)

Coll life, at a glance...

2007-02-12T19:27:00.000+05:30

No particular reason, but I jus realized I end up blogging everytime I want to rant... For a change, I choose to look at the other side of the hedge...

Despite the fact that college (more specifically my department) assumes it has the birthright of converting human-beings into load-carrying donkeys, there still are some things I owe due to credit to college for:

Internship:
I’d never have had the opportunity to be exposed to the world of glamour, fashion shows, event management, buying-eggs-for-your-boss and carrying-your-boss’s-bag kinda situations, but for my internship at Iris, thanks to college! This was followed by a very professional HR-career management-employee empowerment, 9-6 office, team meetings, deadlines kinda job at OfficeTiger... again, thanks to college! If this had not been a part of curriculum, work-life would still have been something I hadn’t laid my hands on... I’ve built for myself, a lovely social circle as well… I know better now, about what I my career should be like…

MOP bazaar:
This is perhaps one of the BEST things that MOP does for us… This venture has boosted the confidence I had in myself.. Exposed me to the joy of doing business… Some day, I’d like to set up my own business.. I will… Someday….

Presentations:
Nisi, Shooti and me have done the most number of presentations in my opinion.. and I KNOW that my presentation skills have improved with every presentation we’ve made so far… I’ve learnt a good deal from Nisi and Shooti… We’re three over-pressurized souls but somehow, we manage to pull it off really well… this completely offsets for the hard times that we have pre-presentations…

Culturals:
Nisi and I have sentiments attached to college culturals… We breathe music for a whole month before we get on stage… and we rock! Atleast, we used to! Thanks to our super-seniors…

Apart from the above that have helped me develop myself, I’ve learnt a lot of important lessons during these three years:
 People walk in and out of your life; move on unabashed.
 EVERYONE backbites, bitches; get used to it.
 Jealousy is inevitable; ignore it.
 Sometimes, people are DIFFICULT; become tolerant.
 It’s okay to be rude, sometimes.
 People take advantage of you; be assertive.
 It’s not a bad thing to be a bitch at times.
 Sometimes, people are artificially sweet; play along if you have to.

It’s almost over now… 3 whole years… and it did go by real quick… It’s time already where we’re all busy filling each one’s slam books (I should probably call it college memory books), blogging about college reminiscences, planning farewell, planning future, a time where you just fix your gaze on a friend of yours and you’re lost in thought with of the hazaar instances you’ve yelled, cursed, laughed with each other… Yes, college life is over, for all of us.. Sometimes it feels like its sunk in… Sometimes, I really don’t know if I’m ready to digest the uncertainty that stands before me…

I really dunno if I’m gonna miss college per se; I miss school…. But college? I dunno yet..

My dear college friends (more specifically nisi icy taki shooti sangee sandy swa arch) – Here’s hoping we keep in touch, for years to come (to whatever extent possible practically)… We’ve had some wonderful times together.. also, times when we’ve wanted to strangle each other… nevertheless, lets carry happy memories and move on… Here’s hoping all of you life a lovely life… Someday, we’ll all bump into each other and cry or laugh our hearts out, reminiscing these days…..

Cheers to all you guys, who’ve made me cry and put a smile on my face in all these years…

**Hugs**
Me :)

LEAVE ME ALONE, WILL YOU?

2007-02-08T00:05:00.000+05:30

Every other person: “Hey! You’re graduating now… What next??”
Me: Grrrrrrrrr… I DUNNO.
I really DUNNO.
I wish I knew though.

Some pretty souls: “Hey! You were doing CA, right? How’s it coming along? Cleared?”
Me: Ha. NO. I quit. 2 years ago. **snap**

My older brothers and sisters: “Work and then do your MBA.. You can get the best out of it, only then.”
Me: Okay, brother, sister. Point noted.

Amma, Appa: “You will get NOWHERE with your B.Com. Study now, or never.”
Me: Umm…. I’ll try ma.. I’ll try pa.. I will. I will.
MSW -- **ponder** **pondering**

Random people: MSW???????? What’s thaaaaaaaaaaat?
Me: Uh… it’s called Masters in Social Work. I intend specializing in HR.
Random people: Ohhhh! **giggles**
Me: **wearing a ‘what’s so funny’ look**

Orkut friends: Hey! Wassup with your singing “career”?
Me: Dude! I don’t have one. I wish I did, though!
**Arrrrrgh**

Coll friends: You can sing macha… You’re settled.. What will I do?
Me: Do you REALLY think I’m “settled”?!?!?! **blink blink**

Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Oldies, Youngies: How was CAT?
Me: Next question, please!
Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Oldies, Youngies: How was XAT?
Me: **eyes rolling** Don’t you get it??? NEXT QUESTION PLEASE!!

The yo-people: Oi! Write gmat, go abroad and study na!
Me: hehe. You’ll gimme money???!
**now should I laugh or should I cry?**

Me to ALL: dear everyone, thanks for showering concern… Leme think in isolation and figure out what I wanna do… and when I decide, I’ll tell you..
Until then, leave me alone, will you?!

Bring it on...!

2007-01-30T23:50:00.000+05:30

O Holy 2007!
What do thou have in store for moi?
A year full of work and toil?
Are you trying to remake me into a dustbin?
Or are you just trying to tantalize me beyond a point where I’ll crack?
I don’t get it.
Maybe you’re just trying to get me to work for every crumb
like an ant?
Why oh why?
I love being lazy..
Why won’t you let me yawn my way into fairyland in class?
Why won’t you let me do my anchor stitchkits in peace?
Or atleast let me socialize for God’s sake!

You’ve turned my life into that of a bee. A busy bee.
Come; take a look into my calendar.
Google. Google. Google.
Enough. I’ve googled enough.
Ppt. Ppt. Ppt.
Enough. I’ve made enough presentations.
Cat. Xat. Tiss.
I’ve had enough and more of all this (as well).
Aaaaaaaaaah! Are you deaf?
Can you REALLY not hear me scream?
2007! O holy 2007!
Yeah, pun intended.
You aint holy.
You’re jus mean.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wanna go on a holiday.
Let me go.
SPARE ME.
I’ll come back and then you can go about your dumping business.

Go easy, though.
Have a heart. I’m just a human being.
Not a cow. Not a bee. Not an ant.
Pooh. I’m doing all that you’re shoving on me now,
If not anything else, gimme fruit. Nice ripe ones.
Will you? Oh, will you?

Well, you’re the master.
I’m your slave.
You’re telling me that my ‘jobless days’ are over.
All over. Once and for all.
Hmmph. Sounds positively disgusting.
Nevertheless, I’m gonna try and digest that…
Not like you’re giving me a choice.
Gimme the strength and courage to face
all the challenges you are throwing on me.
Make me strong. Make me fearless.
Chi. Rejuvenate chi in my body.
Light some incense sticks in my mind. Vacuum clean my brains.
Let me face all that you’re tossing on me
With a difference. A different mindset.
A positive one. A positive one.
**Deep Breath**
Come 2007. Bring it on… Gimme more.
I’ll do it. I’ll do it all…
I will stand tall…
I will be a champion.
I will. Yes, I will.

An Eye for an Eye, the Finger for Defense

2006-11-27T11:42:00.000+05:30

My mum has been trying to inject into my head for a while now, about the ‘joy of morning walks’… Every article about exercise, restricting food, not succumbing to temptation, morning walk, calorie watch and the like piles up on my table everyday. One fine day, Harini decides to explore the ‘joy’, I made an impulsive purchase of really expensive Nike shoes, tracks and tees. Now, that’s supposed to be a pushing factor…!

With all my newly acquired accessories, I set out for walks every morning like a happy little puck, with my mum in a park nearby. Listening to the radio, watching people around, listening to the birds chirp, gardeners watering plants, stray dogs sniffing around… It was a different experience altogether, leaving me rejuvenated and afresh for the rest of the day…

However, today was different. Painfully different. After a horrible night’s disturbing, half baked sleep, I reluctantly pulled myself out of the bed… Just one of those i-don’t-feel-good-today kinda days… My mum dragged me for the walk and pooh. This is how it goes. Two rounds of brisk walk and I feel a little better.. Just then, there was this corporation boy in a blue shirt who yelled “What the hell do you think of yourself?” Loud enough for me to turn back and look. His eyes were blood red. He snapped his fingers and pointed at me and said again “You! What the hell do you think of yourself”. I was nonplussed. I ignored and walked on… He ran past me and stood right in front of me. He folded his tongue, his eyes dissecting me from top to toe and he said “What, what?!” I showed him the finger and walked on… the ego-crushed soul vomited all the foul words that he knew in tamil. There was another man, watching this happen… He was in the other extreme. He kept giving me sheepish grins, and to my worst horror, I realized he was treating himself to glory. His mouth and his organ, drooling profusely. Completely disgusted, I ran out of there, looked for my mum and rushed my way back home. Home sweet home.

WHAT do men get outta stalking women? I wish I could shove a needle up that drooler’s trunk and hammer a nail on the boy’s throat. Agreed, women can be bitches. But NO. They don’t stoop down to the level of harassing a man. Every woman has that little dignity which these men lack in totality. We still live in a man’s world, don’t we?

LIFE WITHOUT…

2006-11-26T00:23:00.000+05:30

Life without cat, mat, xat, rat, pat,
Life without being stubby and fat,
Life without a gunny bag full of projects to do,
Life without a backache, headache, tummyache,
Life without k, g, psv, r, s ma’am,
Life without mind-numbing classes,
Life without pages of brain-teasers to solve,
Life without having to compete with 2 lakh whizzes to find myself a place to breathe,
Life without having the need to rumble my pea-sized brain to do math,
Life without psyching myself to traverse the horse’s path...
WOULD ABSOLUTELY ROCK, won’t it?!
But life’s not easy afterall, is it?!

Music on my blog!! :)

2006-10-17T00:25:00.000+05:30

Mariah Carey's "hero" has been my favorite song for a long time now... What you can hear now (hopefully, if there's no buffering) while you're reading this post, is the same "hero" in my voice, that i'm gonna gleefully call 'my version of hero'..

I got hooked onto this song way back in the tenth grade... Ever since, Mariah Carey has been my idol!

I've some more songs kept here - http://hariniram.multiply.com/music I shall try and upload these on blogger soon!

Twisted DNA : Thanks a ton for helping me do this.. Like i've mentioned before, i'm tech-challenged! :) Thanks for helping me put in my music here! :)

Cheers,
Me :)

An Ode to The Tigers

2006-10-03T13:06:00.000+05:30

This is no discourse on Bengal tigers or White tigers of the jungles, for I know nothing about them… This is ode to very special people, who’ve brought in immeasurable amounts of joy in my life, over the last few months…

As a mandatory part of my course curriculum, I’d to do an internship for a month with a company… My mum suggested I send my CV to OfficeTiger. I did so, and the very prompt Mr. Shiv got back to me in just a day and I was hired as an internee for a month, in a jiffy… So firstly *bows* to Shiv for having thought me worthy enough to be part of the Tiger family.. **Double bows** to Sudhalini (AVP – HR), for letting Shiv hire me, even though I’m a novice in HR :) Thanks Sudha, for having the confidence in me, for guiding me through all the projects.. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it.. and I cant wait to get back and work with you guys.. :)

OT was my first experience of what corporate life is all about... It’s filled with a bunch of level headed people, who don’t let positions/status affect their relationships with people. I guess that takes OT onto a different league all together. I’ve never come across any organization where there is so much of a transparency in relationships! Not once during my stay did I ever feel like an internee! Hats off to Sudha, Shiv, Anubhav, Rose, Paro, Pavan, Archana and everyone else who stepped into the HR arena to lighten the day (eg. Manu :)). Guys, working in OfficeTiger has been an absolute blessing for me… Thanks a bunch for everything…

My last day at OT was the most emotional day of my life… And all I remember doing all along, was crying like a little baby, with the cake in front of me looking like a mirage… I dint want to leave… Sooo dint want to leave… I’m just waiting for the day when I’d finish my MBA and get back to OT..

THE BAND

Call us ‘buns n cutlets’ or ‘chilly beaf’ (courtesy:Amar).. In simple words, we ROCK!! :)
Let me take the pleasure of introducing the band to you..

Amar -- Amar, our chosen band leader is an absolute sweetheart! EXTREMELY talented.. (yes, that was meant to be in big bold letters). Music runs in his blood… He guides our team through… He’s one of the senior-most persons at work.. and the way he finds time for practice and makes sure all of us turn up as well, is totally commendable..
He totally freaks out on his super-hot guitar! I must admit I’ve given him a HARD time in all our jamming sessions.. but despite that, all he did was give my one assuring hug, and made me feel like I can do better! Not forgetting to mention, he has inspired me enough to be a bad girl as well! Haha :)
Thanks Amar and Sudha, for making me part of the band… Forever grateful to you, for giving me an opportunity to sing with you guys :)
Amar boy, “YOU da DUDE” :) **hugs**

Vivek --- our lead guitarist, who plays the oh-so-trippy guitar leads to perfection. He still claims to be a ‘beginner’ though.. Tee hee! Talk about modesty! :).. He aint a vaayaadi like me… He lets his guitar do all the talking. Likewise, on stage. He makes everyone’s jaws drop to their knees and tongues wag in total awe over his mastery of the instrument…
Well, he probably thought I was like 35 years old or something.. His eyes popped out when I told him I was 19! And now he’s rechristened me ‘baby’! *chuckles*
Rock on Vivek – you’re destined to scale greater heights.. Keep it going! :)

Johnathan --- (I hope I’ve got the spelling right)! He’s a quiet little thing sitting in one corner while jamming and once you throw him on stage, he’ll bowl you over by swirling around with his base guitar! He’s one guy with immense stage presence… He’s someone without whom the band won’t just function! :)..
John: (huggin his guitar just before getting on stage) My guitar! She’s my darling!
Me: Wife first, or guitar first?
John: (pointing to his guitar).. She comes first!
**my eyes rolling**
That just shows how passionate he is! And that’s more than just evident when he takes on the stage and lets his fingers play the guitar!
Mrs. John, if you’re reading this, spank him! :D
Rock on John..! Rock on!! :)

Clyde --- Clydy boy!!!!! Very the chweeet he is!! :) Absolutely adorable! He’s one BUNDLE of talent.. He makes music outta everything he gets his hands on! He plays the guitar, the base as well, the keys and the DRUMS!! (have I left out anything, Clyde?).. Give him a tava, a tumbler, a couple of vessels and two kutti spoons, I’m sure he’ll assemble his own kitchen drum kit and play ‘sweet child of mine’ on it!! :)
Oi Clydo! You so totally rock!!! Keep it going! Super you are! :)

Edison --- THE crooner!! Now now! One helluva charmer he is! Vroom he comes zipping on his Santro with a bandana + coolers on his head… Full range boy he is! What’s amazing about the OT band is everyone’s just SO multi-talented… Edi’s a pro dancer as well!! And I needn’t say anything about his singing.. Give him the mic and he’ll put Ricky Martin to shame! **bwahahahaha**.
On a serious note, Edi is a SUUUUUUUPER singer! Someone who sings all his songs with so much of passion! He’s got one helluva attractive voice that he does full justice to! Edi’s style is unique.. hear him sing ‘stand by me’, ‘last kiss’, ‘hate everything about you’ – you’ll know what I’m talking about! All in all, he’s one guy who’ll steal your heart when you watch him perform on stage!
Watching John and Edi team up on stage is one joyous sight to behold! Together, they can make audience swoon to everything right from the slowest love ballad to the heaviest metal!
Edi boy – keep singing! Keep dancing! And…… most importantly, keep drinking! :) hehe.

Benny --- **Bows** to Benny, before I can even say anything about him! There’s something about his vocals that gives me goose bumps. Versatility is Benny’s hallmark He can transport you to a different world altogether with his ‘Nila kaihiradhu’, ‘Pramadhavaram’ where the bruhaas flow in effortlessly. And the very next minute, he can do some ‘kaatu kaththal’ and sing something that is really ‘hard to handle’! Benny is another very passionate singer, someone who gives in his 200% everytime he sings.. :)
Benny, you WILL be a singer whom the whole world will look up to. You’ve already paved your way into fame and it’s just a matter of time, before everyone recognizes your talent… We all know you’re a winner, Benny… And when you reach the pinnacles of success, don’t you forget all of us!! Umm.. you still owe me a treat, by the way!

Archana --- the pretty little bride! :) Chana is another beautiful singer… Someone with a very powerful voice… it amazes me at times! Power singing is what she’s best at! Typical rock star! :)
Looking forward to sing with you, girl! Get married soon! :) :)

Now comes the happy man Pavan--- our band manager! :).. He makes sure we have everything we want… He gives us some constructive criticism that definitely helps us get better… Pavan is such a backbone for all of us… Enthu boy he is! Praying frantically, and cheering everytime we get on stage! :)
Thanks Pavan boy… Major you are! Keep rocking! :)

And then there’s Harini--- :D **blushes** -- yeah! Me! Me! Nothing I’ve got to say though… I’m just all in smiles now! A little tooooo happy! :)

Yep – so that’s the OT band for you!!! Together, we ROCK…… We kicked some ass in the Corporate Music Competition 2006… We’re all geared up to kick some more ass in future!! :)

Cheers to all you wonderful people… Thank you soooooo much for being incredibly nice to me.. Love you all..

**Bows**
Me :)

Complexities of the inner me…

2006-09-18T21:47:00.000+05:30

My life has always been a mishmash of extremes:
I crave to strike a balance
And reach a state of equilibrium
But life keeps throwing on me these ‘extreme’ situations:
Sometimes with dream-come-true opportunities (that I don’t do justice to)
Sometimes with a tsunami full of sorrow.

I’ve become an insomniac
Fighting my past that keeps looming on me all the time
Trying to clear my hazy vision of future that beckons me
I’m not happy, I’m not sad
I’m not in a symmetrical state either.

My heart craves to dive back into the glorious days of the past
Those days when I was taken care of like a baby in my Knight’s arms
Those days when I was loved for the person I was
Those days when my world revolved around my nearest and dearest
Now everything has petered out in a jiffy.

Pulling myself up from the disconnectedly connected state I’m in
Mollifying myself into believing that everything will be fine soon
Psyching myself to get comfortably numb to everything around me
Opening my eyes to prospective golden opportunities of tomorrow
With God’s blessings, I take a deep breath and get on with my life.

MUSIC, PREETHI AND I...

2006-09-09T21:35:00.000+05:30

Everyone who knows me KNOW that Rahman is my God… Mariah Carey is my Goddess, my manasika Guru…

Singing has been my biggggggest passion ever ever ever… That’s the ONLY thing I put my heart and soul into….

Way back in the fifth grade, one of my good pals Preethi and I caught the Rahman fever… We were crazy… I mean really CRAZY…. We HAD to talk about him, dissect every piece of his music EVERYDAY!! We eventually grew up to be his biggest fans ever… Both of us knew, IFFF we’d ever ever get to see him jus once, even a teeny meeny glimpse, someone will have to lift us from the ground, splash water on our faces and help us regain our consciousness!
We don’t adore a Madhavan or a John Abraham… For us, its Rahman. Just him…

Our fanaticism increased in leaps and bounds by the time we reached 7th grade – a time when all our class girls used to love playing basket ball, long chain, short chain, pole-pole, catch-catch, red-letter (the list goes on..) Preethi (I’ll call her P for short) and I used to sing songs together… Sing to our heart’s content – all of Rahman’s songs. He wouldn’t know his songs as well as we knew them! :)
I’m proud to say that our singing did “impact” a few lives…hehe. Soon, we had umm.. can I say fans?! Not really! I’d call them a little “rasigar mandram” (I mean… tiny lil audience)… So P and I got a little professional (ahem.!).. I started maintaining a lyrics book (that’s still one of my biggest treasures – writ in blue ink, 7th grade handwriting). We dint have access to the internet those days… I used to listen to the tapes over and over again and figure out lyrics myself! (now that IS Hercules task!). P rocked at singing base.. and I was mighty decent in screeching in the higher octaves. True to our expertise, P used to adopt the ‘male solo’ parts of songs, and I used to pick up the ‘female solo’ parts.. and lo! Every afternoon we used to “perform” for our lil “audience”! We used to wolf down our lunch in a giffy and get the stage set up! A royal half-hour kutcheri every day… I must admit --- those little ‘kutcheris’ gave us immense contentment.. Those days I shall cherish, for years to come….

Not forgetting to mention our cycle-rides every Sunday!! Oh yes – we’ve explored a lot Bangalore in our kutti skirts and our BSA SLR cycle (o! P had a ladybird!).. Our singing journey continued here as well.. :)

This is kinda off-beat.. Drifting away from what I really wanted to write about.. Anyways, just got reminded of this little incident… I was walking on 6th Main road Malleswaram at like 6.30 in the morn.. P was already in Hindi class and I was taking myself to class as well… I was wearing this REALLY PRETTY pleated skirt and a top, with my two hindi books to my chest, skipping in delight and humming away to glory… There was this lady who walked past (she’s most definitely insane).. She slapped me TIGHT on my left cheek and walked off…. UHHH!! YESSSSSS!! This really happened… This incident amuses me till date!! And P won’t stop laughing when she reads this I know… I walked in disbelief to hindi class – emotionless! Just a little too shocked… P is the ONLY one that knows about this EMBARRASSING incident of mine.. and now I’m blogging about it! Hehe.

Back to Rahman – I had (or should I say have?) this little fantasy… And this is again something ONLY P knew all the while… My room in my Malleswaram house faced the road (uh wait.. I’ll get to the point).. and I had this (you may call it silly) fantasy.. that some day Rahman would take a walk by that road… he’d hear me sing, and shout, “Hey little girl! Whats your name? I’ll give you a song in my next movie”!!! I blussssssshhhh everytime I think about this.. It was and it still is my fantasy… P used to roll in fits of laughter everytime we talked about this.. Deep down, she knows how much this meant to me… :)
Today, with my little singing ventures off and on, I’m one step closer to achieving my dreams (nono.. not Rahman! That’s a FANTASY, remember?).. Only wish P was here with me in Madras.. We’d have lived our passion and chased our dreams together.. Today, I’m doing it alone… but no matter how many miles we’re apart from each other, music will bond us together, for eternity…

PS.: Love you, Preethi.. Miss you so much… Keep singing girl! Keep it going… Don’t get engulfed in the geeky world of studies… Breathe music, you’ll find peace.. :) and btw – the cd I’d promised you, will definitely reach you… :)

To all – Ironically, I don’t have a picture of Preethi with me.. and this blog is going to look incomplete without it.. I’ll upload a picture of hers, soon after she sends me one… (did you get the msg, P?:) )

GROW UP!!

2006-09-02T23:46:00.000+05:30

In this world where infidelity and adultery are becoming synonymous with way of life, I’d put my foot down and say that I’m still definitely pro-marriage. I know for a fact that I will not play around with sentiments of my life, my spouse’s, my parents and that of society’s. Commitment is a loosely shunted word. But do people even realize the seriousness of a so-called “commitment”? Human minds sway, but I believe that a strong and a committed individual will not go by these infatuations. Marriage is not about committing to your spouse. It is about commitment to oneself. I want to scream into the minds of all those fickle-minded men --- DON’T ever marry, if you can’t stick to one woman!

In India, some people marry because of parental pressure, peer pressure, societal pressure. Are individuals who fall into those categories, ever happy? Some of them reconcile themselves to fate and live life. And for the others, the d-word comes to the rescue. Yes, I’m talking about divorce. Not so uncommon afterall.

We’re caught between the fantasies of what the heart says and practicalities of the mind’s eye. In reality, we live in between these two extremes.

Singledom can be blissful for those who are extremely career-oriented, who can fend for themselves and who’d like to live on their own terms without being questioned. Marriage is all about a life full of togetherness and love that comes along with making reasonable adjustments and sacrifices.

So all you freakin capricious, vacillating people (I mean MEN) out there, GROW UP!! Marriage is a wonderful institution. But get into this commitment only if you can commit to yourself. Else, stay away from it. Save yourself the sin of ruining a woman’s life.

Renaissance..

2006-08-29T00:05:00.000+05:30

“The only permanent thing in this world is CHANGE”… You’ve heard people say that before, so have I…. These sayings would sound rather cliché until you actually have a personal experience and then finally you can relate to it…..

A stone can turn into a rose… A rose can turn into an amoeba… An amoeba can turn into fireflies.. Fireflies can melt and turn into sugar candy’s… Sugar candy’s can turn into ruffians.. Ruffians can become love-birds… Love-birds can become love-devoid birds… Yes, in my weird state of mind, I sure do believe all this is possible…. Things change, from one form to the other, “anywhere, anytime”… One cannot afford to get riveted with these... Well, I did… To an extent that my sense of self depended on fleeting, illusory moments that I once thought would last forever… I’ve fallen down on parched land today, with a loud thud. I can see nothing but drought around me… Not a drop of water to quench my thirst… Mirages betrayed me… Harsh dust-laden winds blew past me, blinding me.. I became unconscious……

I heard an Angel sing, “The only permanent thing in this world is CHANGE”… I woke up faintly, unwilling to buy the Angel’s words… “Why do people change?”, I demanded to know… Angel smiled, holding me in her arms she said, “Change is God’s way of throwing tougher challenges at you… Once you get past these ordeals, God will take you back unto Him…”. I looked at her dismayed... “Move on Harini”, Angel said, “and move on unabashed… God is kind and He will always be there with you…”…. I pondered… I pondered… People come and go, they touch your lives in ways you cannot imagine… “Learn to be attachedly detached” cried the Angel, my soul, my strength, my inner self that I refrained from listening to, when I was carried away by worldly pleasures… I united with my inner being… Calm moments of self-realization… Revelation of universal truth, the way of life….

Mint-fresh gentle breeze blew past me…. Luxuriant flowers I can see… Mellifluous voices hushing “Wake up little girl, wake up anew”… A little bird kissed my eyes open…I saw the world around me... I felt like I had a new pair of eyes… Every being welcoming the new me, with open arms and cherubic smiles… The parched land that I fell on and the water-devoid areas seem like figments of imagination now… I have a new life, a new beginning, bigger dreams, tougher challenges, and a whole new life to live… And I am going to live it to the fullest with vigor, valor and victory! Only for myself…. This is my world, my space, my life… Noone can encroach into my world and embezzle my happiness… I’m a new Harini now… A Harini that has just experienced Renaissance…

Kummi Adi...

2006-08-23T01:05:00.000+05:30

“Kummi adi kummi adi” --- music screaming into my ears through my headphones! Listening to this song in loop (I cant count the number of times I’ve listened to it now).. For those of you who are alien to tamil music or jus one of those not-so-updated kinds, this song is from A R Rahman’s latest tamil movie – “Sillunu (or jhillunu.. whatever) oru kadhal kadhai”….

Rahman’s back with his magic once again, to tickle every sensory nerve in your body! He’s woven every song with a touch of class.. He has managed to retain the native flavors yet modernized even our traditional “kummi paatu” without making it sound like a horrendous remix with all the alleged ‘in vogue’ wannabe hip-hop pieces fit into matchless nodes in a song!

Seerkazhi. Siva Chidambaram with his open throated rendition coupled with versatile (and heavily talented) Naresh Iyer’s performance do absolute justice to this song.. Flawless rendition of the kummi paatu! Not forgetting to mention the subtle touch that Swarnalatha brings in and Theni Kunjarammal amma’s trademark style that makes this foot-tapping number an absolute joy to listen to! Hats off to Rahman for having brought in the right voices for the song! He has shown his expertise by expressing authenticity of folk music, yet westernizing the same amidst a modern day iyer – wedding setup!!

“Avalaku enna amba samutharam, Iyer hotel alva maadhiri, thaazham poovena thala thala thalavena vandha vandha paaru!” – An absolutely pretty pun made of a typical shy Iyer bride! Makes me smile when I listen to this line.. :) **bows** to Vaali for lyrics…

Marriages are the nicest occasions ever (minus all the drab dowry-“seeru” routines)… Every mantra, every ritual has its beauty… its significance and sanctity…
Kasiaadharae, Oonjal, Nalangu… Madisaar, metti, thaali, akshadhai…. And the good old kummi paatu!!

This song reminds me of all the beautiful things about Iyer weddings and lets me bask in the moments of togetherness, sweet traditions, celebrations, joy! Join me – “kummi adi penne kummi adi.. yele! ole!”….

By the Beach...

2006-08-04T10:13:00.000+05:30

Sanju boy used to think me INSANE for even making an innocent suggestion of going to the beach in the afternoon! “Are you crazy, its so F***in hot”, he’d say!! But yeah, today was one of those not-so-sunny days, and I happened to be with Nish! We were like on the beach road, trying to get ourselves registered for a music competition in AIR.. The beach was way too inviting for us to have let go! I parked my bike and we quickly trod our way to the waters, leaving our footprints in the sands…

Marina beach was oh so dirty today. Not like it has ever been clean! But still! Nish and I mocked our “eco friendly” world, as we sat down and realized we had no living soul other than the crabs, a couple of love birds and some urchins scattered here and there…

Felt so different… To recline amidst such a serene setting! I was amused by the number of crabs that I saw! I was scaaaaaaaaared of them! And Nish and I actually had a crab – talk hehe… From like sizes and colors they can take, to why people EAT those creatures! :)

We sat there for a long long time… Just talking around.. We spoke about “men” – our eternal favorite topic to jabber about! Just then this little sundal boy came by! We were both starved and we couldn’t find food around at the beach at like 3pm! No bajji’s, no butta! And this little child came and said “Akka akka, sundal vaangikongakka!” I must admit I have this fetish for these sundal kids, little flower girls…. I tasted sundal, made sure it was hot! And we bought two moonu-rooba sundals! :D We kicked up a conversation with that child…. He’s one of the cutest kids I’ve encountered… When asked as to what he’s studying, “Third to fourth”, he beamed! And we were like “wow”! I asked him, “What do you intend doing in life? You want to become something, or keep selling sundal?” Pat came the answer, “I’m going to be a doctor, someday, I will”. I was dumbstruck. He left me spell-bound for a while.. He gave us the sundal and went skipping off happily to go about his business…

That reminded me of this little flower girl that I came across, in Besi beach… She’s one girl I absolutely fell in love with… I bought two ‘mozhams’ of flowers from her, instantly! She stole my heart by saying, “Sister, can you buy my flowers?”, (yes in english!) with a sparkle in her eyes that gave away her innocence.. She didn’t beg me to buy her flowers.. She had that self-respect in her and that aura of charm… I still cant forget her face… I was so carried away, I actually told Vinaya (who was with me then), “If only I could adopt her, I would”… I kept turning back to look at her, as I walked my way out of the beach.. And that little girl waved and smiled her best smile, everytime I turned back to see her….. I’m always on the look-out for her, when I go back to besi beach… I’ve never found her again………………

I pondered… how fortunate we are, to actually have a house to live in, lovely parents, friends and dozens of them who care so much for us…. We don’t have to sell sundal or flowers to make a living… I can never swap places with either of the two kids I mentioned, but I admire them for their innocence, their determination to make it “big”, their sense of responsibility (earning for their family and their education), self-respect and most of all, humility… We needn’t learn our lessons from a Vivekananda or a Mother Teresa… “Small” people can touch our lives in their own special way, like they did, mine……

The waves danced to the rhythm of an unknown force. For a moment or two, I got unified with the waves and felt the oneness… Nisha jumped out excitement everytime we saw an aeroplane high in the sky! Time flew…. And we were awakened by the filthy sights of creepy men doting on us.. That’s when we decided to go to Nisha’s home – I mean, Café Coffee Day! :)
We sauntered our way out of the beach, leaving our footprints behind…….

hi :)

2006-08-04T10:09:00.000+05:30

heya!!!

i've never blogged for... cos' i cant really write... however, i've decided to put my stuff here off and on.... thanks for dropping by!!

cheers!
harini