Happens, sometimes…

More often than not, we forget the fact that at the end of the day, all of us, are HUMANS… “Saadhaarna manidhargal”, susceptible to make mistakes…
In this fast-track world full of rubbing shoulders and struggle, one is ALWAYS under the pressure to perform to one’s best…. Sad but true, that CANNOT happen all the time…. Reasons could be psychological, highly practical, one of those everything’s-wrong-about-today kinda days…. Or it could even be just a state of mind, that doesn’t allow someone to perform to their fullest potential on a particular day. And I certainly think that is pardonable, rather entirely justifiable…

On that note, I realize how much ‘pressure’ can affect a person’s confidence levels, mental state – results of which are evident, rather tangibly. We must learn to ACCEPT failure (if I could call it that), gracefully.

I’m no big shot. I’m not even close to becoming one. Neither do I want to.
Everyone faces his/her fair share of pressures everyday…. My passion-turned-part time-profession Singing has put me under those numerous circumstances of pressure…
To cite the latest – “SPB Ennoda Paatu Paadungal”….
Well, to even be seated around the legend would give the best of singers goosebumps, or even those weird stomach itches… Needless to say, to be given a chance to sing in front of him with the cameras right on your face is all the more ghastly…. It’s just overwhelmingly frightening…
It so happened, that I picked a tough song, I thought I could pull off well…. I still believe so. However, I took the whole thing too casually, I kept humming the song along with the track and assumed I got it all right. Went straight over for the rehearsal and messed up the song from top to toe. That was like a slap on my face for being so over-confident. I was all geared up clear the mess I made of myself. That day was tiring though – sitting in a dingy room with no fan from 9 to 5…. I decided to get myself a good night’s sleep and start working on the song afresh from the next day. My plans went kaboom when I received a call at 8.30 that night from jaya tv, promptly intimating me about recording the very next morning! Highly unexpected. Pooh. I suffered that night.. *very very very tired* *angry* *depressed* *tensed*.. I still managed to practice hard until my voice finally gave up…
Went for shooting early next morning… Ran over the song a zillion times in my head. I still dint have a good feeling though… I knew I’d do better than the rehearsal (thanks to practice session that night).. I wasn’t praying for miracles to happen. When I was finally called on stage to sing, I dint have the presence of mind to even drink water before getting there, my throat was all dry and dead. And there I was, trying to sing one of the toughest songs, ever… I sang like a pregnant woman, taking deep breaths after every word, leaving everyone in unease.
A lot of lessons I learnt – 1. NEVER get on stage without copious amounts practice...2. pick songs that showcase MY style more than anything else... 3. Sometimes, things go wrong, take it well….
The show was telecasted this Saturday…. It’s more like public disgrace of myself… But no, I’m not as embarrassed as I should be. I KNOW I can sing better than that. The same song. Its easy to hold responsible those ‘extra’ factors and say it-was-jus-not-my-day.. But no again, I blame myself just as much as I blame those ‘extra’ factors…
I know I will not hit the stage once again, without adequate practice. I’m working towards it, and I will get there, someday……
This hasn’t been my only ‘failure’…. There are numerous along the lines of music that I can cite…. My very first recording with the maestro Illayaraja that bombed, my very first recording with Yuvan that just slipped outta my hand, my two attempts with L V Ganesh that failed miserably…. If I let these affect me, I should probably quit singing :). But I won’t…
I forgive myself for not doing my best sometimes, cos’ that never happens deliberately. I choose to laugh off those pretty many horrible-singing-instances and take a break from having to be the best all the time…
Nonetheless, I’ll do all I can to keep moving up the progress-line…
On that note, I look back at my lil achievements and sign off, with a big smile….. :)