The Dormant Fear

Laden with love, gloating in anticipation, 

All seems fair, and all looks like gold, 

And then a whisk of grey hair appears, 

Groped in shock, disbelief, tears, 

A seed is sown. Will it degenerate? What if it doesn’t? 

What if it grows and spreads like plague?

All efforts taken to calm the fire breathing dragon

Lots of menthol poured

Healed. 

A dormant volcano? 

Many a moments pass. In love, in laughter, in dreams, of palaces and empires

That will be built

But wait! 

Where am I?

Standing on a dormant volcano? 

Can I dig a little deeper?

Digging, digging… I find gold. 

Should I continue digging more?

Digging, digging… I find more gold. 

Pleased. satisfied. Peaced out. 

And suddenly I feel a warmth beneath my feet?

Signs of dormant volcano waking up? Or just some unpatterned coincidence?

Every morning I wake up, 

Checking if my feet feel ‘normal’

How long must I wait before I begin to build my palace?

How do I know the palace is not on a dormant volcanic piece of land?

Does anyone have the answers? 

Popsicles of Estranged Love

His eyes spoke bejewelled with love
My heart thumped and skipped many beats
Every second built castles on top of the other
Dreams surreal, a hopeful future ahead...

Paradise I create... For 'us'...
As my hair softly curls into the whisk of sweet air... Bouncing and jumping with ease...
Whispering bubbles of hopeful love...

From far and near - the winds blew... 

Hard enough to pierce through...

I waited through and through... 

And hoped for the elusiveness to turn into deeper love...

A blanket see through he was wrapped into... 

But what stopped me from noticing it?

Pop pierced the needle... 

And the teardrop froze into a painful crystal... timeless.... 

Perhaps to be known as the icicled teardrop in the exhibition of the mummys... 

A million years later...

The frozen crystal hoped that the blanket fly away to the moon 

so it can rain, morning and noon? 

Clearing out the facade of invisibility...

The blanket stayed... 

Stained with dust... 

There was no one around to clean....

The hands yearn, 

the eyes speak a language the conscious can never seek...

Did you love me? 

Did you care for me? 

The voices creak from the insides of the heart...

As I close my eyes, this light I see... 

As I bow down to thee O Lord Supreme...
Your ways are weird, your toes are hard... 

I know not what lies ahead of me...

But keep me in your heart O Lord for I'm your devotee...
Fleet me not again, no wumbly love,
I seek your gravity...
Fill me up with Faith O Lord and a bright future to be...

Let me shine and light the world with hands you have given me
Let earthy burns and corny turns not touch him or me

Blows again

For what? How? When? and most importantly Why?
Those unknown familiar feelings
Yet so new and lost
Cherubic blushes
Meaty dreams
World of presuppositions
Priming and setting up
Blew away
Like a whisker in the wind

Brown tears
Yellow fears
Red scares
Lonely dares

Let down
And disappeared into the whims of unknown territories
Where art thou?
Why appear?
Why disappear?
Why appear?
Why disappear?

Red deep inside. With blood and emotions
Red over and over again
You once
He once
She once
You again
He again
She again

Do I really care only about me?
That tiny ray of hope
Blows again

The Threesome.

Questions.

Some answered.
Some unanswered.
Some in-between.

And All three kill.

That Thin Line between Humor and Insult

I have a unique laughter. I've lived all my life with it. It's an inseparable part of me and I take pride in it.

There are different kinds of laughter, though. Sometimes coy, sometimes social, and a special few times a distinctly loud, boisterous, prosperous laughter. One that does scare some. Only some, though. Most times, ppl laugh after they hear me laughing.

Attention shifts from the joke/ situation in point to - oh man! Listen to her laugh.

I realized I had this quaint laughter in my early school days. When I noticed that it totally stood out. I used to be worried about the reactions to the laughter back then when I was naive, insecure and struggling to find my identity...

Over the years I realized how my laughter is my best medicine. Some people adore it. Some admire. Some are shocked each time.

The ones that mean the world to me love my laughter as much as they love me. Whole heartedly... Some of these dear ones are extremely sophisticated, high society types. Yet they enjoy with me even when I break out with the loudest laugh in a super fine dining restaurant... They tease me too, but in a way I can enjoy it too...

Several pretense, acquaintances and sad to say colleagues are embarrassed in their deepest nerve when they hear me laugh.

If you know you are one of those, here's what I have to say to you in this context:

• Fuck off. 
• If you can't deal with me when I'm laughing, don't even come near my vicinity
• If you're embarrassed, please be so
• If you think I need therapy - I feel bad for you. I wish I could show you how much your pretense model of the world sucks
• If you want to make annoying jokes like - "Un husband gaali", "Do you wake up in the middle of the night and laugh?", "What would happen if she laughs while they're having sex", "Do you laugh in your dreams?" - remember, everytime you say stuff like this you earn my curses. 
• There's a very thin line between humor and insult. 
• You might have tons of filth in you that other people hate.

You don't choose your voice tone, your parents, your looks, the way you sneeze, the tone of your laughter etc. God makes you this way.


To those genuine, sweet people of the world - Don't let anyone take away your Essence.


You're special.

And there will always be people who will love you for the person you are.


Everyone else can fuck off.

Coal'd Soul'd

I loved

I lost

I hated

I lost

I turned into stone

I lost

I loved again

I could lose

I couldn't hate

I may lose

I will turn into stone

I don't care if I lose

Or

Just be.

Me.

And my Soul.

Pure as burning coal.

Burning with love. hatred. stones and a lot of Question Marks.

Burning. Like you.

Not for you.

Not for your love.

Not for your careless whisper.

Not for your scented shadows.

Your coal'd soul'd Question mark. 

Strangled Love

Parents. Love. Their Dreams.
Which turns dangerously into a system where they go out of their way to make their children their clones


Children. Love. Their Dreams.
Strangle. Struggle everyday to find a balance between their real identity and forced upbringing identity


Twisted. Twisted world.

Twisted Symphony. Deep Whole.

Swollen with love. For life. My life.
Burdened with pressure. My life. For him
Tempted to walk it all by myself. For myself. My dreams
Bonded by love. For them. My life.
Choked with love-prayers. For me. From them
Nested in my prayers. For me. For peace
Craving for a certain him. My joys. My tears. And us.
Throttled by misfits. For noone. Or everyone
Rattling inside my inside. For me. For me.
Living this twisted symphony. For them. And me.

Liberation, I seek
Revolution, I hope
Love, I crave
Life, I desire

For me. For him. For them. For us.

Get what not
I know not
Why this way?
Know I not

Be it this
Live life let
Go be one
Seem no one

Get so fast
Be what got
Good life. Life good
Will come to you

Faith keep you
You keep faith
Life be that
What you got will get
Lots more better more

Smile and live
Twisted symphonies shall fade
Harmony though far away
Shall come near loud and clear

With open arms I welcome that gear
Leave not my house or my near
Be there and smile some real
Light my life. Fill my soul.
Sleep in my whole deep here.
Forever now. Now forever.
Be there in my whole deep where?